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Should I become more assertive?

Updated on: 28 September,2023 07:08 AM IST  |  Mumbai
Dr Love | mailbag@mid-day.com

If she isn’t comfortable with that idea, try speaking more about what would make you both happy

Should I become more assertive?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My girlfriend is very bossy and always tries to make decisions for both of us. She does this because my own personality is quite submissive, and because I am always happy to let her take the lead. This sometimes works out badly for me because I am forced into situations that make me uncomfortable or unhappy. I want to be more assertive but can’t because I don’t know how she may react. If she thinks I have changed, we may get into an argument, and it may damage our relationship. What should I do?
Why do you assume any change will lead to damage? A successful relationship is about evolving together and changing based on your partner’s behaviour as well as your own ability to adjust. This doesn’t have to be an exercise fraught with pain if you simply talk to her about why you feel the need to be more assertive. It’s important for you both to have a say in anything that affects your lives, and she shouldn’t have a problem with that if she wants this relationship to work. As long as you aren’t accusing her of anything and are simply asking for a more measured approach to your decision-making, this is a reasonable request no one should have an issue with. Take your time, give her time to adjust, and concentrate on what you both want.


Is it normal for one’s partner to lose interest in sexual activity? My wife is no longer interested, and I don’t know what to do.
Intimacy requires a bit of effort from both partners and isn’t an insurmountable problem. What can be difficult is having conversations about this because they aren’t always easy. If you can’t or won’t speak to your partner, have you considered approaching a counsellor together? If she isn’t comfortable with that idea, try speaking more about what would make you both happy. 



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