Either way, this isn’t something that can be treated in a clinical manner because we are discussing two people planning to live together for the rest of their lives
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 39-year old widow and have recently been in a relationship with a 45-year old man who is divorced. He and I met at a reception for single, older people and we got along very nicely. We have been dating for six months now, and he has asked me to consider marrying him. He says we are both in need of companionship, and I agree, but I wonder if I should be with someone my age given that it may be easier to deal with when we are both senior citizens. I like him a lot, but this isn’t like a love affair where we can’t do without each other, so I am just being pragmatic and wondering if I should wait until I find someone more suited to being a companion. Is this a good idea or should I accept his proposal? What if I don’t meet any decent person later?
You are treating this whole thing like a transaction of some kind, which is okay if that works for you, but it sometimes makes sense to look at the emotional aspect as well. This is a lifelong commitment you are considering, which means there is more to think about than just age. There is compatibility, desire, love, respect, and the ability to communicate so that wants and expectations are met. You may find someone who ticks all these boxes, or you may not, because no one can predict the future. What matters for now is how you feel about this person keeping those parameters in mind. If it’s just a matter of convenience, your relationship will only go so far. Spend some more time with him while keeping these issues in mind. If he can’t wait, and feels the need for a commitment sooner, you will have your answer and be free to move on. Either way, this isn’t something that can be treated in a clinical manner because we are discussing two people planning to live together for the rest of their lives.
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