We hurt each other all the time!

How can I make a toxic relationship work if the person I am dating doesn’t even acknowledge that he is causing me pain? We love each other a lot but also manage to hurt each other because we know each other so well. I want to resolve our issues and build a healthier relationship but can’t do it if he doesn’t take responsibility for his side of things. Whenever I bring this up, he tells me that nothing should be a problem if I really want to be with him. I am starting to believe that things between us will never change for the better, and that I should break up instead of wasting more time. How will I know if this is the right decision?
If you are already aware that this is causing you harm and the possibility of things changing is slim, you are making a decision based on your well-being. You are making yourself and your life a priority, which is always the right decision in circumstances where you are being placed in a position that hurts you. Your partner has been informed, and his refusal to acknowledge his role is a sign of disrespect because he is wilfully dismissing your concerns. You can choose to stay on and hope for the best, but it may also be sensible to give yourself an ultimatum and leave if nothing positive happens beyond a point.

My boyfriend made a racist remark, and I didn’t say anything at the time. Since then, I have been wondering if I should not be with him. He said that awful thing because he thought it would be okay, which is what bothers me because it means he doesn’t understand me. What should I do?
If you find what he said abhorrent, you should call it out first and tell him how you feel. Conversation is critical for any sort of clarity. If he can’t apologise or explain his actions, you should definitely reconsider whether this relationship is right for you.
 
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