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We’re both not OK with intimacy

Updated on: 22 January,2024 01:25 AM IST  |  Mumbai
Dr Love | mailbag@mid-day.com

This is down to your goals, as individuals and as a couple. Yes, it can help you get to understand each other better, and whether that causes problems is up to how you accept each other’s faults as well as virtues

We’re both not OK with intimacy

Illustration/Uday Mohite

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My boyfriend and I have been together for around six months, but neither of us seems comfortable enough to get physically intimate. We have tried, but there is just a sense of not being easy enough in each other’s presence. This isn’t to say we are not in love, which is why this has upset us both and is causing some friction. He suggests we go on a holiday together and see if a change of environment has an effect on us. I am willing to try it, but I am also wondering if this is a sign that there are problems in our relationship that we haven’t considered. What should we do?
Go on that holiday, focus on the bond you both have, and leave the physical intimacy for when you are both ready and comfortable enough. There is no deadline on when you need to be ready, and as long as you like being with each, that is the only thing that matters. If you do go on this holiday, I suggest you look at it not as an opportunity to get closer physically, but emotionally. Being open and vulnerable with your feelings and wants has a tremendous effect on how you get closer in other avenues of your life as a couple. Also, don’t give up just yet, or assume there are other problems. Give yourselves time.

What are the perks of moving in together for the future of a relationship? Does it bring two people closer, or will it reveal aspects of our personalities that can cause problems?
This is down to your goals, as individuals and as a couple. Yes, it can help you get to understand each other better, and whether that causes problems is up to how you accept each other’s faults as well as virtues. Why not talk about why you are both considering it, what you hope to achieve, and what you both think the risks are? Relationships take time to evolve, and moving in is just another step. 


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