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Lindsay Pereira: Our favourite 'kick ass' policy

Updated on: 01 October,2016 07:45 AM IST  | 
Lindsay Pereira |

Let us ban all Pakistani artistes because, as history teaches us, terrorists always take advice from these actors and singers

Lindsay Pereira: Our favourite 'kick ass' policy

Even as the country rejoiced the army’s strikes, some demanded that Pak artistes be asked to leave the country. Pic/PTI
Even as the country rejoiced the army’s strikes, some demanded that Pak artistes be asked to leave the country. Pic/PTI


A small number of people want Pakistani artistes to be ‘kicked out’ on account of the fact that some Pak nationals may or may not have launched terror attacks som­ewhere in India. These people want Pakistani artistes to be taught a lesson so they can go back to their country and exhort their people to stop indulging in terrorism of any sort. It’s hoped that this “strong message” — presumably to be given over an evening of light entertainment, featuring works by aforementioned artistes — will be taken seriously by terrorists who, as history has taught us, have always considered messages from artistes and ceased their bloody activities almost instantly.


“What do Pakistani artistes have to do with terrorism?” a journalist as­ked one of the people who have been frothing at the mouth and demanding that Pak artistes be sent back.


The response was another question: “What if any of these Pakistani artistes does a recce and passes on information to terrorists for attacks?” It’s a valid argument because, again, as history has taught us, terrorists have always planned attacks on other countries by first infiltrating them in the guise of pop singers and movie stars. These singers and actors then, presumably, use their acting and singing skills to carefully study enemy territory after which they transmit sensitive information, using codes cleverly embedded in catchy songs and film dialogues, enabling terrorists to plan attacks. I’m assuming this is how the West was won.

I don’t think we should just stop at Pakistani artistes though. I think representatives of any country which has harmed India in some way, directly or indirectly, should be kicked out. The kicking is important, becau­se simply escorting them to airports and ensuring they depart wouldn’t send the right message. We should kick out all foreign artistes because they should pay for what their countrymen do outside. If an Indian national is mugged in Paris, all French artistes in India should be asked to leave. Indian citizen assaulted in Lo­n­don? Kick out the English artistes. And, naturally, all Americans living in India should be kicked out at once simply because of what their country’s military does to so many other countries. If artistes don’t pay for what their armies do, who will?

I tried thinking, what have the people who want Pakistani artistes kicked out ever done for India? I assume they must be great patriots —routinely sacrificing their lives for the motherland. The only thing I fou­nd, after an enormous amount of time on Google, is that some of these people had become rich under mysterious circumstances. Some were builders, despite never actually having worked a day in their lives. Some of them didn’t actually do anything except threaten people around Bombay. They threatened them on Valentine’s Day, tore down signboards if they weren’t in a language of their choosing, and sometimes assaulted people for not hiring their friends.

Besides, kicking out artistes is easy — they are mostly non-violent and unarmed. They use words, music and pictures to get their messages across. And these messages are wasted on people who can barely read or write — people who think that dancing to item numbers on the streets is what Indian culture is all about. People who take it upon themselves to speak for the rest of us because, usually, the rest of us can’t be bothered to speak up.

I wonder what we ought to do to people who are supposedly Indian, but continue to harm other Indians nonetheless. What do we do about people who have problems with the North Indians, the South Indians and just about any other Indian from across the country who decides to move to Bombay? What do we do about people who give out homes only to members of their own communities? People who insist that only their kind of food is to be cooked in a certain neighbourhood? People who insist on thrusting their habits and customs upon everyone else simply by claiming to speak for a majority? Are they doing something great for India? Are they not causing as much harm, if not more, than terrorists at our borders? More importantly, aren’t their actions affecting a hell of a lot more people?

If I were in charge of this country, I know the exact people I would want kicked out of here. And, probably, they wouldn’t be Pakistani artistes.

When he isn’t ranting about all things Mumbai, Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet. He tweets @lindsaypereira. Send your feedback to mailbag@mid-day.com

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