Right, so, the respective Chief Ministers of Andhra Pradesh and Telangana are fighting over PV Sindhu's roots, each claiming ownership, that she hails from their state. Sakshi Malik has been appointed Brand Ambassador for the 'Beti Bachao' campaign. (I'm recommending that she become spokesperson of the 'Beti bachao politician se' campaign)
Illustrations/Uday Mohite
Right, so, the respective Chief Ministers of Andhra Pradesh and Telangana are fighting over PV Sindhu's roots, each claiming ownership, that she hails from their state. Sakshi Malik has been appointed Brand Ambassador for the 'Beti Bachao' campaign. (I'm recommending that she become spokesperson of the 'Beti bachao politician se' campaign).
Illustrations/Uday Mohite
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Dear reader, with all the hype and hoopla over the two girls' remarkable achievements, I won a gold medal too at the Rio Games. Rio stands for 'Races at Oval (maidan)' — in the 50 plus traithalon — a gruelling event that includes spoon and lemon race, three legged race and sack race.
I'm facing, the same problem as Ms Sindhu. Now that I'm a national hero in Colaba, everybody is claiming ownership to my lineage. You see, my family history is complex. My father is a Roman Catholic. But the difficulty here is, my paternal grand dad was from Arpora Goa, but his wife, my grand mother was an East Indian from Bassein, Vasai. So, granddad was Goenkar and grandmom was Bombay maka pao. See the complexity?
Now, both Palghar and Panjim are 'claiming me'. The Goa government has allotted me 5 kms of beach land that stretches from Calangute to Baga, plus the entire Morjim stretch. The residents of Goa have objected, claiming it to be public property, the CM has retorted, 'But he is 'The Son of Goa'.'
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When my coach enquired whether I get the beach shacks too - a Goa government spokeperson said, "Arrey men! Don't worry, anyhow these shacks are flouting CRZ rules, so we will evict them. If, however, they bribe properly and we will be unable to remove them, you can have them." In addition to these amazing plots of sandy terrain, I have been paid R2 crores in Russian roubles and gifted 500 pigs.
Back here in Mumbai, the MLA from Vasai has offered me R1 crore as a cash prize but hastened to add, "This was money allocated to fix potholes but you can have it. Plus we are donating the Vasai Fort to you." Another politician from Palghar said, "We can get you a 'better coach' so next Games you can get a better medal."
When I said, "But sir, I have a gold medal, what is better than a gold medal?" He answered, "Arrey just like they now have pink balls in cricket, they will soon have other material type medals."All this is just my father's side.
My mother is a Gujarati Patel from, yes, Gujarat. Her mother was born in a small village called Sojitra and her father in a neighbouring town named Katraj. There is obvious rivalry between these two villages. Sojitra is offering me a job as the village's sarpanch.
Last evening, I was felicitated by both villages with the respective leaders claiming I was from there. The speeches went on for two hours, culminating in rival party workers coming to body blows. I got no chance to speak. But, a statue of mine in marble will be built in both town squares. In the meantime, I've started training for BOLT — Not Usain… the Byculla Open Langdi Tournament.
Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com
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