Bali's reputation is built on hormone-driven honeymoons. But during a stay at Club Med Resort, Tinaz Nooshian finds an island that offers you a contemplative ocean, rapid-laced rivers and locals curious about Shahrukh Khan
Bali's reputation is built on hormone-driven honeymoons. But during a stay at Club Med Resort, Tinaz Nooshian finds an island that offers you a contemplative ocean, rapid-laced rivers and locals curious about Shahrukh Khan
The Indonesian island of Bali offers you the Indian ocean on a platter, just as you arrive. The plane flying you from Singapore to Bali's capital of Denpasar, resembling a magnified version of a clockwork McDonald's mini meal toy, glides to a halt on the tarmac, with the sea close enough for you to want to lean out and arrest a brackish pool in the scoop of your palm. The rivers, on the other hand, have to be sought out in winding valleys skirted by terraced paddy fields. 
The Ayung river near Ubud flows nervously through soft volcanic rock, taking you along 11 kms to hurtle over 22 class II and III rapids for about 2 hours, leaving you with a dry mouth, drenched body and a 6x8 inch glossy-finished photograph that works as evidence to convince skeptical parents about your thrilling white water rafting expedition.u00a0u00a0
We were picked up at the hotel around 8.15 am, dropped off in a mini AC bus at Begawan, 8 kilometres from Ubud, dished out life jackets, paddles and helmets, and prodded with an "off you go" by a brusque administrator at Sobek, an adventure service provider. The four of us followed each other gingerly like school kids at assembly, led by our guide who wanted a quick personal history; what life in India was really like, whether we could teach him to say "how are you?" in Hindi, and if we'd ever caught a glimpse of "Shahrook Kan" all in a 15-minute walk down a slope that had been cut into the hillside around a meandering S bend.
While locals chased us, persuading us to buy sarongs and tees, we were dished out our last sip of fresh drinking water in a leaf cup with safety instructions on how to help manoeuvre the Riken raft we were piling into. All belongings were dumped into the most spectacular waterproof invention we'd ever seen; a rugsack that plunged in and out of a ferocious river but kept our digicams and mobile phones paper dry.
Much of life is an illusion, as is a white water rafting trip. The guide does much of the steering, dodging, manoeuvring, while you act as a team of junior artists slicing the water back when he yells "forrrward", piling it all up front when he orders "backwarrd". That our raft rammed into boulders more than once didn't worry us for far too long; we were just feeling fortunate at having done nothing for it to turn turtle. As if the river gushing into every pore isn't enough, you will encounter enthusiastic co-rafters who will prefer using their paddles to shower you, than steer their raft. A 10-minute break near a waterfall works like an effective hydro massage before you continue the journey that leaves your thighs and arms soar with serious, if unintentional muscle training.
When we managed to face a rapid a bit more stoically thanu00a0 we initially had, we managed to take in the view of Balinese rock-cut relief sculptures lining the gorge wall before our guide whispered a request: "Can you sing me a line from Ladki badi anjani hai...?" SRK fan or not, it was the chance to offer a slice of India to Bali, wide-eyed German and Australian co-rafters gawking as four out-of-tune singers made sure the valley reverberated with tunes from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai.
The ride left us famished enough to demolish the seriously yummy buffet spread they had lined along the banks, that we tucked into after a shower. We suggest you wear sunscreen lotion, light weight lycra shorts/tights and tees, snug sneakers and carry a towel and change of clothes.
Club Med went through a makeover
With 80 resorts worldwide, Club Med says its "human experience" is its USP, something that differentiates them from other luxury resorts that could prove intimidating. Club Med Bali in Nusa Dua opened in December 2008 after a two month-long break, to sport a new avatar after extensive renovation. Its all-inclusive package is bound to be a sure-fire hit with recession-ridden travellers, promised Olivier Horps, VP Mktg Asian Pacific, while biting into an insipid local mango and wondering if it was better than the Alphonso. Not a chance, Mr Horps.
Here, anything is possible
If he, a ski instructor could become the Chief of Resort, possibilities must be endless at Club Med, says Stephan Noublanche
Last afternoon, you were at the reception, welcoming guests. In the evening, you had a quick huddle meeting with some G.Os. At night, you were playing emcee at the show. Who's the real Stephan?
Whether it's a G.O. or the Chief of Resort, he's meant to be on 24-hour call, like a doctor: at play, while partying, during an emergency. A 6-hour shift that ends so that you go home doesn't work here.
Who is a G.O.?
Every resort is manned by a team of G.O.s (Gentle Organisers), a bunch of young individuals from every part of the globe. Here, we have G.O.s from 19 countries, and that works well because we have guests from across the globe, and we make sure we assign guests to a G.O. who's familiar with their language and culture. They are rotated not just across departments, but countries too.u00a0
And the problem solvers by day double up as entertainers by night?
Yes, practically every G.O. is up on stage during the evening Ambiance Ephemeres performance, singing, dancing, putting up a skit, doing a stand-up comedy act. So, the guy you see checking you in at reception in the morning, could be swinging from a trapeze that evening.
Eat
Being vegetarian isn't a disability, even though hardcore meat lovers often convince you otherwise. But at Club Med, it really does come close. When you can munch on fresh scallops tossed in nothing other than white wine and pepper before being precariously balanced on a wedge of crisp toast at a stir-fry counter by the beach, we wonder if you'd want to sip on Tomato Shorba.
When we visited, the management was seriously considering fortifying their Indian menu, but we suggest you skip the desi dishes till they get a chef who knows his Maa ki Dal from Dal Maharaja. Go for veggie options in the Korean, Japanese, Continental and Indonesian fare. Their breakfast, lunch and dinner buffet spread at Agung Restaurant is exhaustive enough to offer something for everyone.
Drink
This is going to seriously tickle the Indian traveller's imagination, especially since we've grown used to all-inclusive packages that offer the "unlimited" with a rider. The drinks here are unlimited. No terms-and-conditions-apply post script. You have the best brands to choose from, and the cocktails are seriously potent.
The bartenders make a mean Mai Tai. You can carry a chilled beer can from the bar to your room, or saunter from the beach bar to the auditorium without being accosted by management.
But that's when you find the strength to wean yourself away from the circular open-air bar (open from 8 am to 1 am) that stands wedged between the beach and the central pool, standing at the vortex of the complex with rows of beach beds and deck chairs radiating away from it.
Do
Perhaps the toughest call you'll have to take is the one over whether to do something or vegetate, and the latter feels like a dream except that the resort spoils the fun by offering some seriously irresistible to-dos, leaving your mind ping-ponging between options even as you loaf in a jacuzzi by the Quiet Spa Pool, bombarded rhythmically by robust jets.
The lounging lizards can oscillate between the main pool that's conveniently close to the bar, allowing you to nurse a drink at all times, the beachfront dotted with sunbeds, and the spa (open 9 am to 9 pm) that houses 9 single rooms, a couple room and 4 villas with a spa bath (these are hot favourites and must be booked a day in advance).
The dilemma for the activity-driven is far from over. Pick from windsurfing, snorkeling lessons, kayaking, personal tennis lessons, archery for kids and adults (with a tournament scheduled every evening at 5), golf, aqua aerobics to rocking music by the pool every morning, badminton, darts, bocce ball, squash, soccer, power yoga at the coconut garden, trapeze sessions, water polo, crash course in traditional Balinese dance by the stone stepped amphitheatre.
While most of these are free, some activities including excursions (rafting, cycling), are not included in the package.
Stay
When you have a property that stretches over 15 hectares with an 800 metre beachfront streaking it white along one side, you can't complain about space. What comes with the territory, though, is the everyday possibility of getting hopelessly lost while trying to track down your room. A canopied bridge that stands on stilts over the lethargic waters of a giant lotus pond, connects the reception to a range of rooms that span from Deluxe to Superior, and a couple of suites, most of which come with a private sit-out or balcony.
Dominated by coral wood and bamboo, the construction bears a strong imprint of local Balinese architecture, with Mark Hertrich, the French designer behind the recent makeover introducing pockets of colour (we liked the aubergine rice paper lanterns that bathe the reception in a plum glow), flinging splotches of vermilion in what he calls "a sad and grey ambience, an old lady who just had to be woken up".
Shop
The resort houses a tiny boutique for those of you who want to take back knick knacks without stepping out of the property. Look out for Batik silk scarves and sarongs, fabric flip flops and wooden Buddha busts that look like they weigh a ton, but are scooped out to make light-weight artefacts perfect for air travel.
But there is really nothing quite like stepping out into a local market, interacting with shop owners (some of whom will inquire rather innocently if you are a Bollywood actress, to squeeze out a couple of hundred extra rupiahs), and haggling for a juicy bargain. A 15-minute drive away from the resort lies the Kuta market where international brands, rips offs of luxury labels, local designerwear and handicrafts co-exist in a pastiche of consumerism. Carry cash; not all places accept plastic, and quote a price 1/4th of what the shopkeeper demands.
Must buys
>Hand-painted wooden mask fridge magnets and beach flip flops with sequined straps in the yummiest colours at Kuta
>Double Ikat fabric with designs inspired by myths and legends at Nusa Dua
>18-22 carat gold jewellery on Jalan Hasanudin, a whole street lined with gold shops
>Wood carvings and handicrafts at Sanur's art market
>Silver filigree work from Celuk
Kids
While Punju and Sindhi bridegrooms have managed to establish Bali as a wedding reception destination, if not a honeymoon hot-bed, it can be a rocking family holiday spot, especially if you are shacking at Club Med. They've designed programmes for kids as young as 4 months to 17 year-olds, with qualified staff to keep the kids company, morning to night, while you do your own thing.
>>Petit Club (2-3 years) organises nature walks, storytelling and happy gym classes interspersed with healthy lunch sessions and an afternoon nap.
>>Mini Club Med (4-10 years) organises art workshops, make-up sessions, parades and sports.
>>Juniors Club (11-17 years) allows adolescents a host of options from ball games to archery, even a trapeze session.
>>Cochin gets a new business hotel + Top 3 things to do if you have a few hours to spare on your business trip
Island guide
Population: 3,150,000 (EST)
Currency: Indonesian rupiah
Getting there We suggest you fly Singapore Airlines, but then when you fly economy, it's really all the same. Ditch the Khaman Dhokla-Chutney breakfast, go for the sublime Wine and Carrot Cake combo. A two-and-a-half hour flight from Singapore takes you to the capital of Denpasar.
The Club Med resort is in Nusa Dua, one of the hippest areas that houses most of the 5-star resorts, a 20-minute drive from the airport.
When to go The high season here is between July and September when temperatures are at their lowest. But nothing really stops you from dropping in at a tropical destination during summer, especially if you are in the mood for a lobster tan. There's a chance of a shower catching you unaware any time of the year, but it's more like an abrupt spray that disappears asu00a0 awkwardly as it arrives. Carrying light raingear and plastic footwear is a good idea.
Why it's outrageous to waste time at Singapore's Changi airport
We think Changi Airport does serious disservice to Singapore tourism. If you can shop for every designer label ever made, get a neck massage, nibble on gourmet cuisine, raid Dutyfree for booze that uncle ordered, gaze at Koi fish swim in pretty ponds in the Fern Garden, fiddle with the latest gizmos, all within three sprawling terminals, why would you want to go past the airport gates?
Hunt for Kedai Kue Kue (Terminal 2) to find out what Indonesian steamed cake tastes like, and visit Madame Butterfly, an oriental-themed boutique on Terminal 3 to pick up clothes and quaint accessories by Asian designers.
Log on to https://www.changiairport.com/
4 day/ 3 night package starts at: Rs 28,737 per adult (inclusive of stay, unlimited food and drinks)
Prices for superior room rate
To book: log on tou00a0 https://www.clubmed.co.in/
Email: sales.india@clubmed.com
Or visit your travel agent
Summer Special kids-stay-free offer
Kids (between 0 months to 11 yrs) get a free stay when you book a minimum 3 night-stay with Club Med. Bookings open till May 15, offer valid from April 1 to June 30 (except April 10 to April 17). Applicable at Club Med Bintan Island (Indonesia), Bali (Indonesia), Kani (Maldives), Phuket (Thailand), Cherating (Malaysia), La Pointe Aux Canonniers (Mauritius), La Plantation D'Albion (Mauritius). Terms and conditions apply
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