Maaf keejiyega, we're molesters

Ladies, kuch nahin badlega. We raped you in an A/C bus, we raped you in an abandoned mill. We dragged you into a Guwahati bylane and youtubed the incident.

We are beyond besharam.

We are brazen cowards, hunting in packs.

Illustration/ Amit Bandre

We Indian men have a plan to inflict maximum pain on you. Because (1) we’re sexually frustrated and (2) we’re furious that you have a point of view. Lethal combo.

We’ve become the Gaddafi of gang-rape.

We aren’t just ‘have nots’ who want to have our way with the ‘haves’.

It goes much deeper. Far more insidious. We just disrespect you. Plain and simple.

We’ve always seen you as doormats and disposable. Come on, we gambled you away in a dice game and then disrobed you 3,000 years ago.

Molestation is a by-product of male chauvinism.

Go on, get angry, get aggrieved, ignite your candles and inscribe your petitions.

But kuch nahin badlega.

You see, the problem is that our lawmakers and lawbreakers, goons and godmen are all wimpish Indian men. Not our fault, we’ve been conditioned from an early age to believe that our women are inferior, created merely to serve, allowed only to walk three steps behind us. Ask most mothers. And worse, mothers-in-law.

All this armchair stupidity and tepid Internet nonsense, ‘Pick your punishment for these beasts from the following options and SMS your answer to 20121”
A. Caning in public
B. Castration
C. Capital punishment

You really see the Nirbhaya rapists being publicly lashed in Hauz Khas? Or one of the recent five Shakti Mill monsters being hung in Arthur Road Jail?

Do we even remotely seem like a Middle Eastern country?

Frankly the only way some law will be passed is if a politician’s relative goes through this ordeal. Otherwise, madams and misses, kuch nahin badlega.

No one’s gonna protect you, not Rajnath, not R.R., not Rahul, not Ra.One. not Rajnikanth, (though I’d put some money on him).

There’s loads of important stuff to be done before the 2014 elections.

Arre, ‘Rajneeti’ has to be conducted. Compared to the falling rupee, rape is just small change. And our fast track courts have a ‘drive slow’ bumper sticker
on them.

In the meantime, I’m suggesting you worry about your safety.

Let us, the Indian men know that you’re getting fully prepared to defend yourselves.

You need to arm yourself with Kalaripayattu and Krav Maga. Karate classes have mushroomed all over the city, kick boxing is in and Bruce Lee lives on with his Kung Fu. Whatever it takes.

Your handbag -- don’t leave home without your knife, knuckle duster and kaali mirch spray.

And when all else fails, just kick, the crown jewels will definitely lose their value.

Ladies, remember the only difference between ‘scare’ and ‘scar’ is a single ‘e’

Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62 The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper. 

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