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'My husband is too demanding in bed...'

Dear Diana,
I am 23. I got married three months ago. It was an arranged marriage so I am still in the process of understanding my husband. But I feel that my husband is sexually over-active. Sex is always uppermost on his mind. At times, I am so exhausted doing all the household chores that I just doze off. This makes him angry and then he tells me that I am frigid. He thinks I just cannot sexually arouse him. This really hurts him and his ego. Matters of the bedroom have become such an issue that it is leading to constant fights between us. He finds me passionless and cold. At times, he just stops talking to me for days and only when another family member wonders what is wrong, he starts talking to me. He is now telling me to seek medical help for my problem. I really do not know what to do.
— Manaara

Illustration/Amit Bandre
Illustration/Amit Bandre 

Dear Manaara,
It is important that you communicate with your husband. You need to talk about your fears and phobias frankly. As it was an arranged marriage, perhaps it will take you time. He may feel it is a man thing and that he has to satisfy his physical demands. A couple who understands each other's feelings and needs in matters of the bedroom can make the marriage more fulfilling. Bedroom behaviour is so personal that you may not be able to even confide in anyone your problems. To the world you may be happily married, but no one will know the real inside story of what happens behind closed doors. There are couples, happy on the surface, but with a sex life such a disaster that could lead to a breakdown in the marriage. You are still young and newly-wed, make your hubby understand why you are behaving in such a manner. You appear inhibited and shy, so he needs to take this into consideration.

Diana will solve it!
Write to Diana at diana@mid-day.com, or fax her on 24112009. You can also post letters to Dear Diana, Mid Day, Peninsula Centre, Dr S S Rao Road, opp Mahatma Gandhi Hospital, Parel, Mumbai 400012

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