'My past affair still haunts me...'

Dear Diana,
I'm 32 and single. I was in a relationship with a guy six years ago and both of us were very open about it. He, however, cheated on me after which we went our ways. I am not in touch with him. Immediately after we split, he took up a job and moved to the Gulf. I have no clue where he is now — or whether he is single or married. Though it is the distant past, it still haunts me. My family is now looking for a match for me. I don't know if I should tell the guy beforehand about my ex. At the same time, I am afraid if my hubby-to-be finds out, how will he react? Should I tell him or remain mum? My best pal tells me I should keep quiet and say only if asked. I really do not know what to do.
— Deepali

Illustration/Amit Bandre
Illustration/Amit Bandre 

Dear Deepali
It has been six years since you broke off. You state that it is the distant past and are not in touch with him. So why do you still keep thinking about it? Let it remain in the past. It appears that you feel this is posing a roadblock in your marriage. You should stop thinking in those terms. Right now your family is looking for a guy for you. Why are you so worried from now itself? First, let them find a suitable guy. It all depends on how mature he is to handle it. Some guys start suspecting their wives when they are told the truth. Some are so immature that they do not know how to handle it and start casting aspersions on the wife. You are not in contact with the guy, so it is not that you are two-timing anyone. For starters, stop worrying so much. The guy they find may have had a relationship too. Instead of making yourself miserable, forgot the past and look forward to a new life.

Diana will solve it!
Write to Diana at, or fax her on 24112009. You can also post letters to Dear Diana, Mid Day, Peninsula Centre, Dr S S Rao Road, opp Mahatma Gandhi Hospital, Parel, Mumbai 400012

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