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'My wife is not interested in getting intimate...'

Dear Diana,
I have been married for two years. We had an arranged marriage. From the first day itself, my wife was uncomfortable when it came to sex. For the first few months, she reluctantly agreed. She would tell me it was too painful for her. Gradually she put a full stop to it. I take it personally and feel like she does not want me. I am assuming it is her lack of desire for me. I feel unloved and hurt by this. Am I right? I have asked her if she is interested in having a child, but she tells me she is not ready for it now. I find her behaviour odd and strange. This problem is bothering me and I cannot even tell it to anyone considering its private nature. I do not want to discuss bedroom habits with outsiders. Nor do I want to hurt her.
— Hriday

Illustration/Amit Bandre
Illustration/Amit Bandre 

Dear Hriday,
Your wife's attitude could be due to a host of issues. As it was an arranged marriage, she did not get to know you, so she might be reluctant to let herself go. Pain could be one of the reasons, but have you sat down and spoken to her frankly? There is no point whining and complaining to her about the lack of sex in your life. Also, what is your relationship with her? She might be bitter about something — it could perhaps be the reason why she does not want to get physical with you. Or she no longer trusts you. Or is not physically attracted to you. Whatever the reason you need to strike a conversation with your wife. Some guidance is needed to help you deal with this problem. You need to consult a marriage counsellor. She might not want to seek medical help due to embarrassment, so talk to her about it.

Diana will solve it!
Write to Diana at diana@mid-day.com, or fax her on 24112009. You can also post letters to Dear Diana, Mid Day, Peninsula Centre, Dr S S Rao Road, opp Mahatma Gandhi Hospital, Parel, Mumbai 400012

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