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'My wife is overly dependant on her parents...'

Dear Diana,
My wife and I have been married for four years now. Both of us have had very different upbringings. While I have been living away from my parents for over ten years, my wife has always lived with her parents. Although she is a free-thinking and independent woman, I feel that she is overly dependent on her parents. No matter what issues she faces, her parents are the first ones to know. I do not have a problem with her discussing her issues with them, the issue I have is that she should be able to filter what she discusses with them and draw a line. Just the other day, she was telling them about a fight we had and how to resolve it. Do they need to know everything? Sometimes I feel that I am overreacting and should accept her for what she is but then again, why do her parents need to know everything that's going on in our lives? I have tried talking to her but she thinks that I am overthinking. What do I do? Please help.
– Rakesh

Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dear Rakesh,
Your situation is slightly tricky but with a little effort you can resolve the issue. First, you need to understand that everyone shares a different kind of rapport with their parents. May be you are okay not calling yours often since you are used to that kind of set up but just like your wife there are several others for whom parents come first no matter what the situation is and they need to discuss everything with them. I suggest you sit down and talk to her about what you expect from her. Politely tell that that you don't mind her talking to her parents often but she needs to know the boundaries. Also, converse often because may be it's the lack of communication that makes her vent to her parents in the first place.

Diana will solve it!
Write to Diana at diana@mid-day.com, or fax her on 24112009. You can also post letters to Dear Diana, Mid Day, Peninsula Centre, Dr S S Rao Road, opp Mahatma Gandhi Hospital, Parel, Mumbai 400012

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