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The Oscars 2014 (My stolen stories, scripts, screenplays)

Rahul da CunhaRight, so for all of you who haven’t seen this year’s Academy awarded films — either the downloading is taking too long or the DVD’s not released yet — allow me to give a brief plotline of each of the significant movies. (Just for the record, these five were all my stories till Hollywood plagiarised them. I’m hoping the Supreme Court moves as swiftly for me as it did for the producers of Gulaab Gang.)

1. 12 YEARS A SLAVE: The story follows Bhiku, a migrant manual labourer from the Hindi belt. In 2002, he arrives from autocratic Muzaffarnagar to anarchic Mumbai. He is cruelly moved from one construction site to another, from one road repair job to the second. He lives from hand to mouth. Then in 2008, he has to face the wrath/vote gathering ploy of local political parties who have him beaten up and demand he return to Uttar Pradesh since he is an ‘outsider’. The movie follows his trials and tribulations.


Illustration/Amit Bandre

2. HER: The genre is a political thriller, a tale of espionage and betrayal — the film is the unique relationship between two powerful women — the Tamil Nadu Chief Minister and a dead character, the ‘suicide bomber’ of a former Prime Minister. The TN CM is so influenced by ‘her’, especially the RDX explosive laden belt, that she gets herself a bullet proof vest of her own. ‘Her’ empathy is so much that she pardons ‘her’ ghost and the seven other accomplices. (My original film was called NALINI MMS starring Sunny Leone and Vidya Balan dressed in a Manish Malhotra-created bullet proof jacket)

3. DESPICABLE ME: This is a part-animation-part-movie-part-docu-drama, shot in an interview format, where a variety of netas, wannabe prime ministers and bureaucrats speak with candour on their achievements, their dream for a new India — new ways of looting an already crippled, crumbling country.

4. DELHI BUYERS CLUB: (Yeah that’s my original title) This is a tale of mass-scale corruption, of under the table transactions and bribery deals in the capital’s highest offices. Set against the backdrop of election year, it is about a corrupt minister who has floor crossed every single political party in the country. He goes to jail and for Lok Sabha 2014 no one will give him a ticket. So he promotes his wife, son and daughter-in-law to stand on his behalf from Amethi, Rae Bareilly and Gandhinagar.

5. THE HOBBIT: It is a Bengali foreign film — starring the West Bengal Chief Minister and the owner of Sahara India. The film has some classic dialogue. Her famous dialogue — “I am een the hobbit of bearing the bhite sari and binning thee elecshaans.”

His famous quote — “Please do not throw the eenk in my phace. I am vay-sahara.”

Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller.
Reach him at rahuldacunha62 @gmail.com

The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper.

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