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Most men are okay experimenting before they get hitched, but they prefer if their woman is untouched  - Munira Chendvanker

I had been the "easy" one among my friends. I was the one who got kissed first, and couldn't quite understand what was taboo about "making out". My friends teased me about my long list of boyfriends. But it was okay. I tried things at my own pace, except when it came to sex.
I was a virgin when I got married, and if I ever tell them, they'd raise an eyebrow. I went from being easy to stupid, in a span of three years. Suddenly, experimenting was the right thing to do. What if you got married to someone you weren't sexually compatible with, my friends would've argued?


She'll wait till she's comfortable

Munira Chendvankar, a second year Bachelors of Mass Media student at KC College, was only expressing her opinion among friends over coffee, when the "I want to wait till I'm married" line silenced the rest. "They were surprised. I don't know what the big deal is, though. Sex is hype. I want to wait because I want to be comfortable with the guy I share my body with.

And that, I believe, will happen only once I marry," says the 18 year-old, who hasn't been in a relationship, and says she will date a man who respects her decision.
Munira's parents, who she shares a close bond with, trust her. "They've told me never to cross the line. I don't want to break their trust. Love is more important than lust, anyway."

Munira is an anachronism

The crowd she hangs out with, the lifestyle they lead, luxuries they enjoy, make for a setting where sexual freedom would be permissible. Munira's classmate Priyanka Vohra, 18, stands at the other end of the spectrum, saying it depends on the relationship and individual. "Why is sex before marriage seen as wrong? It's pretty obvious that everyone is doing it," she shrugs.

Marriage is boring

TV anchor Suprita Mitter, 24, has a boyfriend, but insists she's going to wait to get married to pop her cherry. "Marriage is so boring. If we had sex before marriage, we'd take away the most exciting  bit of being married." Besides, Suprita stresses, the consequences can be complicated for a woman.

Abortions are routine

Unwanted pregnancies are on the rise in India, but it's Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) that are  raising an  alarm among gynaecologists. Dr Rishma Dhillon Pai, Consultant at Lilavati and Jaslok Hospitals, reveals she's been conducting almost 25 abortions a month. "What's worrisome is the attitude youngsters display. Most of them think it's all okay." The girls are usually aged 19 to 25, and belong to the city's elite.

Society, religion dissuade some

The city's psychologists believe the reasons for shying away from sex, could be many. With our conservative sensibilities, most Indians aren't comfortable with their body, raising the fear of rejection, when exposed. Psychologist Dr Seema Hingorrany says, "I've also encountered some who are fiercely career driven. Sex complicates a relationship. They don't have time for extra baggage."

For others, it has to do with morals and religion. Dr Rahul Ghadge, psychiatrist with Bafna Polyclinic tells you how "wrong" is considered a synonym for sex, since some religions stress on celibacy before marriage, and frown on contraception. "Some youngsters may feel sexual freedom before marriage is not in keeping with societal norms. There is this notion of turning 'second hand' if you've lost your virginity," he says.


Why is sex before marriage seen as taboo? It's pretty obvious that everyone is doing it.

- Priyanka Vohra


Marriage is so boring. If we had sex before marriage, we'd take away the most exciting bit about being married.

- Suprita Mitter


Tell the world how you lost it

If losing your virginity was one of the best things that happened to you, why not share
the experience? And if it wasn't, you can still share it, provided you have the b*lls. The Virginity Project is a blog where readers are invited to share experiences about losing their virginity. If you aren't bold enough to post, you can always read, right? Log on to http://www.virginity project.typepad.com


Lost your virginity? Koi baat nahin. Buy it

Revirginisation appears to be gaining steam. Many women are opting for a radical route to reclaim their virginity: Surgical replacement of the hymen, the membrane that stretches from the walls of the vagina and typically ruptures when a woman first has intercourse, due to tampon use or due to vigorous exercising.


Even young celebrities, including the hot boy band The Jonas Brothers, who wear purity rings, and pop queen Hillary Duff, have sworn to remain virgins till they get married.


The guys who wants to save his virginity for his wife

You know what the best bit of this decision is? Women find it charming!

Nihal Atawane, a Mass Media student, is different from the other guys. He wants to wait till he's married before he has sex. Before you can go, "Eh?" he says, "It's simple. I want to save myself for the only woman who will matter." That's the esoteric bit. There's a practical side to his theory, which we think is smart for a 19 year-old with no "experience". "If I have sex with a lot of women, I am likely to compare the experience with what I share with my wife. If she doesn't match up, it might create a hassle."

With most guys flaunting their women, and climbing up popularity charts depending on how many girls they've hooked, Nihal finds himself at the receiving end. But he's got it under control. "Friends laugh and tell me to relax, have fun while I can. But they are cool with what I do. I am less of a man because I want to wait."


A virgin couple may experience teething problems

Dr Prakash Kothari, advisor to The World Association of Sexology

To remain a virgin till you are married, is personal choice. It also depends on how much importance you give sex. For some, it's just skin touching skin, and there is no sin. But for others, it carries a moral connotation. If both partners are virgins, they might experience some teething problems before they get used to the whole act. But it sorts itself out. Most individuals, even those who haven't indulged in intercourse, tend to masturbate. And so, their system is already tuned to respond to sexual pleasure.


* It's amovement in the West

Silver Ring Thing is a United States-based sexual abstinence programme, that encourages young adults to remain celibate until they are married. Based on Christian theology, it uses rock concert-style events to appeal to 21st century teenagers. The youngsters receive purity rings, inscribed with verses from the Bible: "God wants you to be holy, so you should keep clear of all sexual sin. Then each of you will control your body and live in holiness and honour."

Silver Ring Thing was created in 1996 by Denny Pattyn, an evangelical Christian youth minister from Yuma, Arizona, as a way to combat what he saw as a rising rate of Sexually Transmitted Diseases and pregnancies among teenagers.