'You should consider marrying if...'

Q. Why do people get married?
A. A lot of people in our glorious country get married because their parents insist on it. A lot of them also have no say when it comes to deciding who they are to be married to. A large number of our countrymen still meet their partners for the first time only after the marriage ceremony is over and the guests have gone home with full bellies. If you want to know why human beings in general decide to marry, however, sociology tells us that it's because man is primarily a rational, social animal who needs companionship to live a healthy life. If you're sick of living on your own, hate your friends, can't stand pets, don't like reading and aren't interested in binge-watching sitcoms, maybe you should consider marrying too.

Q. Can you give me any advice about my relationship?
A. Be a nice person if you can, unless you're from Delhi and can't help it. Don't be a pompous know-it-all, try and respect your partner's feelings, be kind whenever possible, communicate as much as you both can, don't assume your partner can read your mind, do things you both like doing, don't force your partner into situations he or she is uncomfortable with, try and avoid turning your relationship into a battle of your egos, remember why you two got together in the first place, travel together, do fun things together, have as much sex as possible, call each other through the day, try and eat as many meals together as possible and you should be on your way to a good and healthy relationship that may or may not last longer than the average celebrity marriage.

Q. What's the nicest thing about being married to the same person for a long time?
A. It would probably be the knowledge that you know exactly what the other person is thinking and no longer need words to communicate from across a crowded room. That and the fact that you can eat until you burst and the other person will still be around because they can't find someone else at this late stage in life.