'My father constantly controls everything I do'

I have been brought up in a family that is extremely orthodox. When my sister and I were little, our father used to refer to himself as unlucky, saying he wished he had a son. He used to fight with my mother almost every night for stupid reasons, and never made us feel special like most fathers make their daughters feel. Today, my sister and I are adults, but he still forbids us from choosing our own clothes, eating what we like (though I am not overweight), going out late at night, being friends with guys or going out with them. Everything is restricted. On top of this, he once told me I should not smile while riding a scooter because it could attract strangers. I am studying and not financially independent yet. He still fights about the smallest things and creates a nuisance. He recently insulted me in front of his friend, saying I don't listen to him. I want to achieve great things in life, but the environment he creates is very negative. Please help.
- Selvi J
We are, sadly for us, trained to accept our parents the way they are, overlook their faults and accept them no matter what, even if this causes us an enormous amount of damage. Your father is, on the basis of everything you have said, not the kind of man you ought to take any cues from. If he prefers sons over daughters, he is obviously not fit to be a parent. If he demeans you, it is a sign of his own insecurity, not a sign of any inferiority in your part. You are a strong woman capable of accomplishing more than any man your age aspires to, and you shouldn't allow anyone - even if this is a parent - tell you otherwise. There will come a time when you will no longer be compelled to live in a place of such negativity. Work towards that future and forget about the past.

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