Attracted to my bro-in-law and my husband knows...

Dear Diana,

I am a 34 year old woman and have been married for nine years now and have a five-year-old daughter. We've had certain challenges to deal with but overall my marriage has been happy.

My sex life has never been great but becuase my husband is good, I basically let that be and accepted things as they are. Over time, though, I find myself being drawn to my husband's younger brother. He lives abroad and visits his parents every year.

During his visits, my attraction to him has been so strong that I've sent him many flirty messages and emails. He never responded to them ever but I always felt he looks at me and feels for me. However, on this trip, he and his brother had a chat and my brother-in law told him about all the emails. He asked my husband to sort it out and left. My husband was very sad but knows that we have a happy set-up where none of us would leave the other.

But I've always found this little escape very exciting and I'm so sad that my brother-in-law didnt speak with me first. He and I have never been close but the chemistry has been there though he never took any steps ever to act on them. And the emails from me probably made him feel responsible towards his brother and so he did what he felt was right and told him. I'm still very very attracted to my bro-in-law and would do anything to be with him just once. I just feel such a connection and am not sure why this is happening. I do hope I can get some answers here. I know what it makes me look like but I would prefer not to believe I am that.

Radhika



Dear Radhika,

You ought to understand one thing. That it is never going to work out between your brother-in-law and you. If he wanted it to, it would have without getting your husband into the picture. If your bro-in-law so wished, your husband may never have known.

The point I am trying to make is this. In this case, blood is thicker than water and he will not betray his brother despite his "feelings" for you. Don't be deluded by the possibility of that ever happening. Either way, it was cowardly of him to not deal with you directly. If he had a problem with you sending those mails, he should have told this to you directly. Don't dwell too much on the ifs and buts of it. Just back off before it's too late!

We had sex after 'token' wedding!

Dear Diana,

After I continued badgering my guy about marrying me, he called me on my birthday to a temple and then put vermillion on my forehead as per Hindu customs in the presence of our loved ones and said he would marry me in a few months. We went on an outing from there where we had sex. He said it was alright because he was my husband now! Should I tell his family this? His behaviour is changing with every passing day. This is really hurting me.

Alisha

Dear Alisha,

These days, I don't think any marriage has a legal standing without it being registered with the courts. This is at best a token gesture that he will marry you. If you did not want to have sex until the actual wedding you should have simply fought him off and ensured you didn't do something you weren't comfortableu00a0 doing.u00a0

If he forces himself on you without your consent, it's just plain wrong! I really doubt telling his family anything would help at all. Even your own family might not be able to help here. You should ideally have used protection, though.