Boyfriend is saying he was engaged against his will...

I am 22. My boyfriend is 26. He recently went back to his native place in Bihar.

Boyfriend is saying he was engaged against his will...

Dear Diana,

Illustration/ Sameer Pawar

I am 22. My boyfriend is 26. He recently went back to his native place in Bihar. On his return, he told me that his family had set up a match for him. When I asked him why he never told them about me, he tells me that it all happened too soon and that he had no time wherein to make them understand that he was already in love with someone else (me!). He has returned, engaged. He says that he hadn't even met the girl before this and that they had called him home under another pretext. He hasn't been home in four years, so it's believable that they would do something like that. Only trouble is, the marriage date has been fixed to early next year. I believe in and love him but am at a loss to understand how he cannot tell his parents now. We belong to the same caste. So I don't see a problem. Also, my parents are fond of him, so I don't see a problem at their end.

Ulka

Dear Ulka,
He's engaged, not married. Surely, he can walk out, citing any number of reasons. It would be a good idea to begin with the truth. The parents could always claim they never knew. It is, however absurd, that they didn't give him much of a choice in the matter, considering that he would be spending the rest of his life with a woman who's a stranger to him, and whom he doesn't even love. It wouldn't be fair to her either. The best thing would be to call off the engagement before matters deteriorate further. And if he cannot do that, tell him you will dump him and never meet him henceforth. And deliver on that promise, if he can't do that much for you.

Have no friends!

Dear Diana,
At 19, I have no friends. I am extremely studious and never found time to study with or help any other classmate, I was brought up to believe in nobody's success but my own. I fear I may have become something of a loner. Will I never have friends?

Name withheld on request

Dear Friend,
It's easy to give up but very difficult to keep on trying in the face of no past experience. It is easy enough to make friends. Surely, you know a few people know who share common interests. Spend time with them and get to know them better. Take it from there.

My bro has changed for the worse

Dear Diana,
My brother is a unusually nice guy and always keeps to himself. He recently met this girl and they've gone for trips together. He has returned, a changed person. He's far more outgoing now. Which is a desirable trait. But he has become selfish, irritable and short-tempered. He wasn't like this before. What changed? I want my brother like he was before he met this 'witch'!

Maria

Dear Maria,
I'm sure this girl has little to do with your brother's behavioural changes other than unlocking a part of his psyche that was hitherto unknown or hidden from you. He may always have been 'like this'. He simply chose not to. This girl may have cultivated in him the freedom to show his true self. The only way he 'changes back' is if he wants to. Sit your brother down and talk to him and explain to hi m how his actions are causing you much grief.