He betrayed her when she was pregnant with his child!

Thanks for your help and support

Dear Diana,

ILLUSTRATION / SAMEER PAWAR

Thanks for your help and support. This time, I'm writing in on behalf of my cousin sister. She had an inter-caste love marriage three years ago (he's Gujarati, she is Sindhi). A year and a half ago,u00a0 she delivered a baby girl. Surprisingly, when she was pregnant, her husband would spend hours away from her on the pretext of work. She soon learned that he was having an affair and that he had a child out of wedlock with that woman. My cousin's in-laws used to support her but not anymore. He now beats her everyday and doesn't even spend a single hour with her. She wants to kill herself but is worried about her daughter. She really, really loves her husband. She even offered to keep the "other woman's" child and said she was okay with him meeting her occasionally but that she wanted to remain in his life. But he wants to get rid of her. He doesn't even give her enough money. There's someone who cares for her and loves her but cannot marry her because he's already married and cannot break up his own marriage.

Lavina Nankani

Dear Lavina,

The thing in Indian society about marrying without your parents' consent or with their reluctance, is that quite often they cut you off. You're strande without a support system and are left to fend for yourself. If that isn't the case here, she could ask her parents to pick her and her child up, fight a divorce case with her husband, sue for alimony and keep her fingers crossed. His callousness is evident in that he cheated on her when she needed him the most (when she was pregnant). Now he'd rather be with this other woman? Sue him for all he's worth! And besides, after someone has betrayed her thus, how can she keep deluding herself that he'll change or listen to reason? Doesn't happen!

Clueless about sex

Dear Diana,

I am 22; I have no girlfriend and am clueless about sex. I desperately wanna do it with someone but am trying to control myself. I considered going to a massage parlour. Don't know if I should, though. I masturbate daily thrice or so, but it doesn't exactly help. Besides it gives me a headache. Every time I see a girl, it makes me want to masturbate. I hope masturbation doesn't affect my overall health.

Name withheld on request

Dear Friend,

Let's just take it slowly, dude. First of all, you have to learn to respect women and stop treating them as objects or as means to an end. Stop being selfish and good things will come to you. You will have to learn to put a prospective partner above yourself. And unless you're paying for it, sex doesn't happen in a jiffy. You'll need to build on developing the intimacy first. Remember, good things come to those who wait. Masturbation is a form of sexual release and may stave off the urge to have sex but it certainly doesn't affect your health.

What's on his mind?

Dear Diana,

I've been in a relationship for a year now. We had three break-ups in between over his temper flares. But he always apologises. This time around, I didn't forgive him because I guess he was never serious about me, but he cried and cried, he even told me that he wants to marry me. I trusted him and we made up for two months. A break-up followed. His cousin is a good friend. When I told her about this, she said that he can't make up his mind between two girls: a classmate and me. He can't live without her and can't see me with another guy. We belong to the same caste while the other girl doesn't. I wonder what's on his mind.
Name withheld on request

Dear Friend,

You know what? This guy's just an opportunist and is behaving like nothing more than a dog in the manger. He can't love both her and you! And you needn't really bother in any case now, since the two of you broke up. If he does show an inclination of getting back with you, I think you ought to tell him to bugger the hell off. It doesn't matter if you belong to the same castes, if you're over him, don't reallyu00a0 give a damn (to the thought of being with him).