02 June,2009 09:01 AM IST | | Diana
I'm worried this sisterly barter might go awry!
Dear Diana,
I am married to a good man but have been unable to bear him a child because of a medical condition I have that dictates that I can never be a mother. He is against adoptions, so that's out of the question, too. Recently, I approached my sister (who has three children and whose husband is in a wheelchair) to become a surrogate mother for us. My husband has said he will consider this option after much thought. Meanwhile, my sister has asked me if she can sleep with my husband and enjoy a sexual relationship with him as she has been missing it since her husband got paralysed neck down. She has promised that if she gets pregnant this way, it
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Illustration/ Satish Acharya |
ABC
Dear Friend,
Who wants the child more? You or your husband? Is he cool with you not being able to bear children? Then why push your luck by getting into something where you have no idea how it will turn out? All said and done, your husband might not have a problem with the arrangement your sister is proposing, but the fallout (if there's one) could wreck your own marriage. If this is a one-off thing, it might cease to be that once your husband gets a legitimate ticket to sleep with his sister-in-law. If you trust him enough, let him make a call on this. Don't do it yourself. Your desperation might drag you down to where you don't want to go.
I hate it that they're still in touch
Dear Diana,
My girl friend had a boyfriend before she met me, but I don't know much about him. She told me they split. So I didn't feel the need to ask her anything else. Recently, I was going through her laptop, one of her browser windows displayed a social networking site, her old boyfriend is still on her friend list and they've shared messages. What shall I do? The messages included stuff like: sending love to you, thought of you and other stuff. I have not spoken to her since and have literally started to hate her.
Bad Boy
Dear Friend,
Well, shouldn't you have asked her about her ex, then? Shouldn't you have asked them about the nature of their relationship? If you expected to know everything, you should have asked for the relevant information. Besides, the info you gathered from the social networking site could possibly indicate that they're still close friends, ifu00a0 nothing more. Have you given her a chance to explain herself. In any case, why were you snooping around on her laptop? If you didn't trust her, why didn't you clear matters up at all?
Uncertain about the future of our marriage
Dear Diana,
My wife left my house after just six months of marriage. She has been staying apart for the last three years now with her parents near Kolkata. She is not ready to come back even after repeated persuasions and has blamed my father for the trouble. I feel it's her attachment to Kolkata and her parents and their repeated interference in our lives that took the toll on our marital life. She wants me to leave my job and settle down with her and her parents in Kolkata. I am uncertain about the future of this marriage.
Now, both my parents are dead. Should I call her back or seek a divorce?
Rangan
Dear Rangan,
Let's not get into the politics of it all and just say this. If she decided to go back home and blame your parents while she was at it, that was her call. Shouldn't coming back to you, be her prerogative, then? If you think you're being bound to this relationship for no fault of yours, you should give her notice to come back home, now that she has no cause for complaint. If it doesn't work out and she'd rather stay on in Kolkata, tell her that you will divorce her promptly. If there's no love left between the two of you (was there ever?), what's the point in pursuing a dream that isn't there? Don't punish yourself.
