I want to wait till I'm ready, they want us wed NOW!

am 24. I live and work in Mumbai. My girlfriend and I have been together three years...

I want to wait till I'm ready, they want us wed NOW!

Dear Diana,
I am 24. I live and work in Mumbai. My girlfriend and I have been together three years. She is a bit orthodox as

Illustration/Sameer Pawar

her parents have been very strict and uptight about her upbringing. I, on the other hand, am a laidback, happy-go-lucky person who has had wonderful, understanding, not-so-stuck-up parents. We have talked about marriage. But while I'd rather wait a year or two before tying the knot, they want her to get wed ASAP. They 'approve of' me but aren't willing to let her wait. I've even offered to get engaged to allay their fears but to no avail. I am at my wit's end. Any suggestions?

Name withheld

Dear Friend,
Seeing how it's gonna be a bit of a struggle convincing her parents that it isn't that simple to get married before putting certain things into place, you will have to get you parents to talk to her parents and explain you point of view and see how it goes from there. If you're offering to commit to her, I don't see a problem at all. I think waiting a year or two is perfectly reasonable. Nothing to get too troubled about. Really don't ponder too much about this whole thing. First get your parents to try and sort it out.

She doesn't want protection and gets nervous

Dear Diana,
I am 27, my girlfriend is 24. We've been in a sexual relationship for four years now. We have sex twice a month but she refuses to let me use condoms. After sex, she gets nervous about a possible pregnancy. If I ask her to take contraceptive pills, she refuses.We haven't talked about marriage yet. How do I deal with this?

Shalin

Dear Shalin,
Tell her in no unclear terms that if she does become pregnant, it's her problem and that you will want no responsibility. Put it down in writing, if need be. Choosing not to be safe and then getting nervous afterward, is her problem, not yours. You were being responsible and she's stopping you from doing so. For your part, if you want to steer clear, just don't have sex with her until she agrees to your terms.

I have certain expectations...

Dear Diana,
In the beginning, he used to give me so much time. He'd be there with me all the time. Now, he doesn't giveme the time of day. Back then, he'd show me how how crazy he was about me. These days, I don't see that passion. I want to see that passion again for a lifetime. He says he is serious about me and can't think of anyone else. I believe him but how do I make him realise I have certain expectations?

Shona

Dear Shona,
Then tell him that. Tell him everything you've been bottling up inside. If you want to see that passion again, you have to demand to see it. He isn't going to dream up that you have certain expectations. Guys are simply not built that way. While ideal guys are perceptive, the general majority isn't. Now that he has you, he feels his job of wooing you is done and that the 'show' he put up can now be stopped. You have to tell him that it is a lifelong commitment if heu00a0 wants to be with you. As simple as that!