05 May,2010 10:22 AM IST | | Diana
Dear Diana,
How do guys get over a relationship so easily? How is it fair to me that I am the one that has to suffer? It's been over a week since my ex broke up with me and I am coping with it but there are days it hurts. It's not fair that I am the one that has to be sad and cry while he can sleep soundly at night. I feel like he has completely forgotten about me and doesn't care anymore.
I have questions for him but I feel it's too soon and would result into a fight. I need closure. I can't endure this. How can he be so lazy and not want to call me but be willing to call his best (girl) friend and keep that relationship going? How does he just forget about the last year and move on? I wish I was as heartless so I wouldn't have to deal with this sorrow. I don't know what to do. No-one helps, especially my friends.
They are not here for me and are no help ay all. I have nothing to distract me and I get angrier and sadder everyday. I haven't talked to him in about four days. Do I call him asking for closure or just endure this pain?
Name withheld
Dear Friend,
You sound like you think your ex-boyfriend and your friends all owe you something because you've been dumped. Unfortunately, that is not always how it works. Sometimes we have to learn to become more independent and supportive of ourselves. I know the end of a relationship is painful and sad.
But, dwelling on that, or expecting someone else to be able to fix it, will only frustrate you more, and make the grief last longer. This guy doesn't call you anymore because its over. You might have hoped to remain friends, but you can't expect it. it's best to grieve alone.
Showing him your sadness will do nothing to change his mind, it will just make him think poorly of you. Break-ups are hard and I wish I could give you some magical answer to make the pain go away, but I can't. No one can. The only way to fix it is time.
Can't tell her I love her...
Dear Diana,
I love my sister's sister-in-law but cannot bring myself to tell her this or confide in anyone else for that matter. What should I do?
Karan
Dear Karan,
First of all, tell the object of your affection how you feel about her. If you don't, you'll never whether to expect a reciprocation. Only after she does, should you confide in anyone else. Never venture, never gain. It's as simple as that. There's not shortcut or quick-fix. Shape up or ship out.
I love him despite the differences but...
Dear Diana,
I am 22 while my boyfriend is 26. He belongs to a different religion. Also, he's a Mumbaikar while I'm a Delhiite. He had four relationships in all (two serious ones). Apart from this, we come from different strata of society. He's lower down the ladder than I am and to make matters worse, he's an alcoholic.
I love him. he's a great guy. My friends urged me to leave him. Because of them, I left my job in Mumbai and returned to Delhi. The very notion that this relationship might not work out has me worried. It's killing me!
Name withheld
Dear Friend,
Being in a long-distance relationship has its disadvantages. You being acutely aware of the differences setting the two of you apart also doesn't help. Add to it the fact that he's an alcoholic and it seems to me that you already know what you ought to do and have made up your mind but are looking for someone to endorse your actions so you won't feel as guilty while dumping him. You tried, that's what matters.
If it doesn't seem to work out, simply explain your exit and walk away. Follow only the advice of friends you trust. You can hardly blame them if you live to regret decisions you let them take on your behalf.
