Should I tell my husband I cheated on him?

My husband recently went overseas for eight months. While we were constantly in touch, the loneliness was killing me...

Should I tell my husbandI cheated on him?

Dear Diana,

Illustration/ Satish Acharya

My husband recently went overseas for eight months. While we were constantly in touch, the loneliness was killing me. One evening (it had been about six months since he'd left), a friend of mine dropped in with her husband for a drink or two. She ended up drunk and unconscious after a few hours. I let her rest in my bedroom. Her husband and I were still sober. He began telling me how it was all falling apart for them. I confided in him about my loneliness. Minutes later, we were all over each other, one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. Fortunately, my friend didn't come to until late next afternoon. We got ourselves sorted out before she did. We've decided to keep it a secret and told each other it was a one-off thing. I feel guilty, though. Should I tell my husband anyway and hope he'd understand?

Name withheld

Dear Friend,
It's convenient to say you had your reasons and that whatever happened, happened in the heat of the moment. The truth is you chose to be tempted. Guilt is your conscience's way of telling you that you've made a wrong decision and that there will be consequences. However, no-one has to know if you've realised that it would never work and therefore, would never happen again. What's worth pondering is this What if your husband had to do the same while overseas? Would he have told you? Would you have forgiven him? Answer this and you will know exactly what you ought to do.

Am I unlucky?

Dear Diana,
I've been widowed once and divorced thrice. Why can't I keep a man? Am I that bad/unlucky?

Ira

Dear Ira,
If fate deals you a bad hand continuously, it simply means that you were not meant to be with that person. You haven't told me what kind of person you or your spouse was, so I won't be able to guess who was to blame.

Alcohol destroyed my bro's family life...

Dear Diana,
My brother's wife left him for another guy. He has become an alcoholic since. While they haven't divorced yet, the proceedings are on. A few days back, she came over to take some of her stuff. I had a word with her and tried to make her see sense. But she told me something that startled me u2014 that my bro's alcohol problem was always there. That it only worsened after she left. She also said that there was nothing left to salvage in the relationship and that it made no sense to stay tied to my brother. I am inclined to believe her.

Name withheld

Dear Friend,
As a sister, you are right in being concerned. And if what she has told you is true, then you should be even more worried. Get your brother to stop drinking. Hide his stash, make sure he doesn't spend on more liqour unless he learns to control his vice. Also, make him understand that you know about his problem and that you will help him anyway you can. Tell him to let go of his wife. Obviously, she is quite keen to move on in life. Let her go.