Pyaaz liya toh darna kya?

30 December,2010 06:59 AM IST |   |  Hemal Ashar and Satish Acharya

Hemal Ashar and Satish Acharya take a tongue in cheek look at the things that hit the headlines for all the wrong reasons this year



Hemal Ashar and Satish Acharya take a tongue in cheek look at the things that hit the headlines for all the wrong reasons this year


The what Adarsh are we talking about award

To the movers and shakers behind the Adarsh Building scam who even defiled the memory of the Kargil heroes to fill their coffers. With the Colaba building costing Chief Minister Ashok Chavan his chair and skeletons rattling wildly in cupboards, the Colaba structure has become a bricks *n* mortar testament to corruption. Should its empty interiors stand, a silent sentinel against those who think nothing of making megabucks on the name of those who died so that we may live? Or, should it be razed? Meanwhile,u00a0 Kargil martyrs may you Rest in Peace (RIP).


The Woods You Believe It? Award
To top golfer Tiger Woods, whose steamy affairs and raunchy revelations had tabloid journalists shedding tears of happiness and golfers stopping their clubs in mid-air in shock. As the Tiger Tales 2010 unfolded, women emerged to spew their sexcapades with astonishing alacrity. Tiger*s silence was deafening. He spoke finally,u00a0 saying he had made mistakes and was in sex therapy.u00a0Ex-wife Erin Nordegren is now reported to be seeing a hunky Florida student, they have been spotted cuddling and kissing on a Florida campus. Tiger, Tiger burning bright you should have been on the golf course in the night.u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0


The Kabhi Cushy, Kabhi Bump Award
To the potholes in Mumbai, especially deep this year. As the rains wreaked havoc on the city, the roads predictably caved in and Mumbaikars were once again forced to bump and grind their way to their destination. Mumbaikars had an option to look at the brighter side of potholes. They could plunge in and sip on a glass of champagne (even Aarey*s Energee would do) pretending they are in a spa getting some mudpack treatment. When push comes to shove, it is time to dive into the potholes and do the diva thing darling. After all, this city is all about survival.u00a0u00a0u00a0


The Costs a Bomb Award
To onions that *reeked* havoc across the nation with their prohibitive per kg rates. As the city reeled under a pyaaz punch (the Rs 80 a kg took the wind out of the city homemaker*s sails) onion became a political issue, with parties and ministers pointing fingers at each other as the kaanda crisis deepened. The onion problem spawned jokes like: *buying onions? Watch out for the taxman* and songs like: kaande ka funda, yeh nahi khareed sakta koi mamooli banda. Veggie prices shot up along with the onion making 2010 the, *if you can*t buy karela, buy cake* year.


The Hurley Burly Award
To Elizabeth (Liz) Hurley and the burly leg spinner Shane Warne whose 11 hour sex romp can put Viagra packets to shame. Arun Nayar*s wife is now history.u00a0 Through all this romp-us, reports filtered in that Shane Warne was trying to win Liz back by tweeting about how everybody behaves immaturely at times. Knowing Warne*s bed-hopping ways, only a fool would believe the blond leggie whose scoring rate with women will surely make it to the Wisden record books, if they ever have such a section. Maybe, Warne the spin whiz would be asked about Liz when in India during the forthcoming Indian Premier League.


The All is Balm,
All is Bright Award
u00a0
To Munni Badnaam Hui, darrrrrling tere liye. The single most danced to item number this year (the just released Sheila ki Jawaani may be second) has made a celebrity of a bottle of Zandu balm. Lyrics are never going to be the same again. Meanwhile, here is to Malaika *Munni* Arora and Chulbul Pandey, who might have made the million Munnis in the world cringe thanks to the constant teasing they face. But may their spirit live on in a million shaking hips that will rock the floor this New Year*s Eve. For all aching feet post-parties -- there is always Zandu balm tere liye, darrrrling. Try it for hangovers too.
Adarsh scam wrong reasons corruption mumbai
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