Karan, you are right: It’s done, bro

A still from the first episode of the last season of ‘Koffee with Karan’. Pic/YouTube/@jiohotstarreality

Salman Khan is all of us, when he asked Karan Johar in the first episode of the last season of Koffee with Karan: "Are you sure this is the last season?" And Karan said: "Yes, it's done, bro". And I think, thank god.

Karan introduced the show as one where celebrities spoke about their sex lives, and put their foot in their mouths. And I think he got that wrong. That hasn't happened since the first couple of seasons. After that, it has been a bore fest of celebrities avoiding all the questions Karan tried asking.

In fact, the most interesting person on the show, has always been Karan Johar. He has tried asking the controversial questions, and even sharing insider anecdotes. But his guests have become more and more reticent, thanks to the intense scrutiny that comes with saying whatever they say.

But, as much as the celebrities fear Instagram and Reddit users, who will take anything they say and tear it apart, I feel they also fear the rest of the industry. Why will they tell us who they have been intimate with, or fought with, or bit''ed about? They can't afford to be iced out, to be frozen out, to be boycotted.

And that's where it really gets terrible. Take, for example, this first episode with Salman Khan. Khan was candid enough, and seems smart and wise now. He shares some interesting tidbits, and his views are those of a man who has clearly been doing some shadow work. But then slowly, it becomes about Karan calling people on who wax eloquent about Salman. Then, he himself says, "Oh, you are awesome, you are amazing", and Salman keeps swatting aside the compliments. Then, Karisma Kapoor comes on, and after a few behind-the-scenes kind of chatter, once again it goes back to the same sycophancy. Then, they play Rapid Fire, and even though Salman intellectualises every answer and is "diplo" (diplomatic), as Karisma says, he wins the hamper.

It's been like this for the last few seasons, where the show is just one constant barrage of celebrities building each other up. There is nothing interesting discussed; there is no new update, there is nothing even remotely spicy to chew on. It's the same. Once in a while, we get an episode with Katrina Kaif and Anoushka Sharma, where they let their natural personalities shine through with some witty banter. But that was also many seasons ago, before they started letting the fear of being cancelled get to them.

But what did we expect? At a time when the whole country has shared how they are feeling about the political environment - be it against or for the government - the actors have remained silent. It's because they mostly have nothing to say, and if they did, they'd rather stay silent and let it all tide over. They'd rather be safe. They'd rather make money. They'd rather be… irrelevant.

The reason why shows like Koffee with Karan were even invented was because the celebrities only want to talk about what they want to talk about. And of course, they want their egos to be validated. It's no wonder that they have stopped talking to newspapers, which may ask them questions beyond their intellect or courage. No wonder they only do glossy mag interviews where whole texts are shared with them to edit as they wish, or to influencers who are paid to ask and dance and laugh as the celebrities wish.

Maybe Karan knows that.

That's why when Karisma asked him which celebrity he thought played safe on his show, he said, "all of them last season". And that's why he has decided this season is the last season. Good on him, I say.

So, stars of Bollywood, have your last hurrah on the show this season. Recount the same stuff as before, and be on your way. As Salman said very articulately, "Don't carry your past with you." No, we will say goodbye.

The rest of you, see you next week.

Ranting and raving about all that's trending on social media, Aastha Atray Banan is an author, creator, podcaster, and the Editor of your favourite weekend read, Sunday mid-day. She posts at @aasthaatray on Instagram.

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