ViRash and the optics of love

Rashmika Mandanna and Vijay Deverakonda, whose recent interview has gone viral. Pic/Youtube/@shubhankarmishraofficial

I love a good couple - people I look at and feel, "How lovely. They seem to work well together". More often than not, I have felt that way for real-life couples, especially after I have known them long enough to know they are not faking it.

And then there are couples we see on social media - the hashtag couples, the Insta husband to the Insta wife. The ones who make the right faces, put up big posts for each other, and put up pretty pictures of each other and with each other all the time. Some, like the celebrities, share cute trend videos (Deepika and Ranveer or Aditi Rao and Siddharth), or go on podcasts and show us their chemistry. A recent podcast featuring Rashmika Mandanna and Vijay Deverakonda has gone viral because of their banter and chemistry. But can we ignore that she says she puts him to bed and then sleeps, just because he says he married her not because it was time to, but because he wanted to? Also, can we ignore that she says that the fact that he is around is enough for her? Really?

I don't want to judge, so I won't. Maybe sometimes when we are in love, and we all have been, we can do anything for the one we adore, just because "at least they are there". So maybe she is in that phase of life. Other than that, I feel that there is really no way anyone can tell what a couple is like in real life, by what they share on podcasts or on their Instagram. It's impossible.

Firstly, chemistry is a farce. You can be in the worst relationship of your life, where you spend all night looking at the phone waiting for a message, but when you meet, the sparks are electrifying. Chemistry often makes us think bad things are good. So let's not think that just because they smile every time they catch each other's eyes means anything.

Also, everything you see on social, even from the most authentic creator, influencer or actor, is still filtered down. A couple isn't going to make a daily vlog about their arguments, resentments, fights, doubts, lack of respect and trust. No. That's for after the divorce is final. So what do we really see, or know? What they want to show us. To me, online, good couples are those who don't hide that they are with someone, but don't go overboard with it either. Real relationships don't need constant social validation. But if you have never seen anything of a couple, not even a wedding photo, yes, that's a red flag.

But then, how do we know who is a genuinely good couple? Firstly, it's not our business. But for the sake of conversation, I feel the only way we can know if a couple is really "happy" or not is by knowing them in real life. And that too for a long time, so you know their love language. Maybe they roast each other to bits, but have also stood by each other in their most challenging times. That's why I never judge Alia Bhatt and Ranbir Kapoor - their roasting is now regarded as toxic, but that's because those moments are out of context. But do you know their real equation - when Alia says she feels Ranbir gives her "emotional safety", I would want to believe her.

In my own circle, I have known couples who have seen each other through very bad times and good. They don't wax eloquent about each other, or say baby after everything, or post pictures every day, but they have done the most important thing: Grown together. I have seen them fight and show affection and annoyance, but never disrespect. They don't try to change each other. They accept each other's quirks, friends, and families. I have also known couples where, once married, people have changed so much that you can't recognise them any more. Those I have lost touch with.

What's the point of this column? Maybe, only to say that the optics of love are a tricky business, and everyone has to figure out their own dynamics. To look at a couple online, or even in the movies, and want exactly that, well, that's doing your own unique self a disservice. Every couple figures out their own combined love language and way of showing it.

My favourite couple online is Nauheed Cyrusi and her husband. She is hilarious and so, so, so authentic - I love her. And he is the sometimes unsuspecting, sometimes knowing husband in her content - but only once in a while. They seem like they are being themselves, and their bond seems less intense and more comfortable. They are fun.

But in the end, what's happening between a couple, really, only the couple knows. And no post can ever reflect it. Remember that for your own good.
See you next time.

Ranting and raving about all that's trending on social media, Aastha Atray Banan is an author, creator, podcaster, and the Editor of your favourite weekend read, Sunday mid-day. She posts at @aasthaatray on Instagram.

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The views expressed in this column are the individual's and don't represent those of the paper