Dreaming in blue

A dream sequence featuring the author as half man, half crow, with Sant Ravidas. Illustration/Siddhesh Gautam

In the limitless world of dreams, if you could meet your heroes, who would you want to see? What would you want to ask them, and what do you hope they'd say to you?

In artist, writer, and anti-caste activist Siddhesh Gautam (@bakeryprasad)'s dreams, beloved social and education reformer Savitribai Phule looks a bit like his grandmother. From her, he receives hope and reassurance. From anti-caste icon and Father of the Indian Constitution BR Ambedkar, he finds inspiration and introspection. From scholar Gail Omvedt, he receives a reminder that "intellect is not locked in libraries", and Dalit expression is art, no matter the medium or language it takes, be it stitching, hammering, or standing on rooftops, or writing on walls. Siddhesh takes us along on these dream encounters in his new graphic novel, The Blue Book (Penguin Random House India, Rs 799).

"I have been fascinated with dreams since childhood. Some people are trainspotters, I was a dreamspotter. I would try to wake up in the morning and try to recollect my dream, record it in my notes. My dreams have always been surreal; but they are also inspired by my day, what I see, read, and think about," he says, "For years, I have imagined stalwarts of the anti-caste movement... I have had coffee and tea with them, I've had laughs with them, even though they are not alive today. Because so many of us do not have access to much formal documentation of this part of our history; a lot of it is based on storytelling. So I think that gives a lot of scope for Dadaism or surrealism, which I played around with here."

The very first dream sequence is with Savitribai Phule, a very intentional and personal choice for the author. "I have always seen Savitrimai in my grandmother. Although my grandmother's schooling stopped after Std 5, she knew how to read and write and had amazing ideas. She was the first to teach me the art of storytelling. She told me stories of this kid called Bhima; at that time I did not know he was Ambedkar. She told me stories of Kanshi Ram and Mayawati," he recalls.

"I lost her to cancer very early on, when I was in Std 3. So I would imagine Savitrimai as my grandmother. Stories of people throwing filth at Savitrimai [for her anti-caste work and for setting up the country's first school for girls] felt so personal. We don't have proper photographs of Savitrimai either, so now, when I draw her, there is an element of my grandmother reflected there," he says.

Interestingly, this is the only dream sequence where Siddhesh appears as a human; in all following chapters, he is sometimes part-ant, sometimes part-deer or part-cheetah - in part inspired by the Jataka Tales, says the author.

In monochromatic indigo, each chapter tackles uncomfortable questions: How can the resistance be nurtured and passed on? Are we doing enough? Must oppression be overcome first for enlightenment to follow? (A question posed to Buddha himself).

"I grew up in Nagina, Uttar Pradesh, which has always been underdeveloped and a hot seat for caste politics. I used to be one of those kids standing on the rooftop during a BSP rally. I have seen how my responsible my grandparents were to the community,no matter how few the resources. I have seen my parents giving back. I wonder now what I am giving back to my community.

Sometimes I think that maybe it will give confidence, a new way of seeing things. But that guilt of ‘is this enough' will always be there. Once your eyes open to marginalisation, you can never unsee it." "But in my dream, Savitrimai says that should not stop us; we are doing the work too, and no one bears the entire burden on their shoulders alone," he adds.

Like with any great philosophical question, there is no one right answer. If Savitribai urges the reader "to have faith in the community and build solidarity" so the movement can live on, "Babasaheb talks about introspection and reforming yourself". "One is an outward perspective, another is inward. There are different responsibilities and burdens that come with this work, and I've tried to show it based on how I imagine their personalities," says Siddhesh.