30 August,2026 08:39 AM IST | Mumbai | Tanisha Banerjee
Relatives have claimed that (left) Kunal Chandgude was deeply affected by the torn relationship between his parents who had separated a while back. His parents, Sangita and Murlidhar, did not officially get a divorce. File pics
For a child, home is supposed to be the one place where the world feels steady. But what happens when the people who make that home are themselves struggling to stay together? And what happens when a child grows up watching that relationship fracture right in front of their eyes?
The questions have acquired a tragic hue after the deaths of 19-year-old Kunal Chandgude and his parents at Khavdya Hill in Chhatrapati Sambhajinagar last week. Initially reported as a dispute over an iPhone, police are now examining serious differences within the family. Relatives have claimed that Kunal was deeply affected by his parents' strained relationship and wanted to see them together. Police have also revealed that Kunal had attempted suicide at the same spot last year, but was talked down by two constables.
So how much of parents' relationship do children carry with them? Divorce can bring grief, instability, and divided loyalties; staying together amid hostility can expose children to years of conflict and emotional distress. A 2019 meta-analysis published in the Journal of Psychiatric Research, examining 54 studies involving more than 5 lakh participants, found that people who had experienced parental divorce had higher odds of several mental health difficulties later in life, including depression, anxiety, psychological distress, suicidal ideation and suicide attempts.
"I never had a support system or ever understood what friendships were as a child," says Aanchal Narang. She is a 32-year-old psychologist and founder of Another Light Counselling and co-founder of 180 Method. Her parents separated when she was five and divorced when she was 17, but during those years, she found herself becoming her mother's caregiver as her mother struggled with severe untreated mental health issues and alcoholism. "There is this term called parentification, where a child has to become responsible for their parent," she says.
With little support from her father, and her mother emotionally dependent on her, Narang learnt early to conceal her family situation at school. At 12, when her mother was hospitalised as a result of a suicide bid, she spent three weeks alone. She says the experience profoundly affected her motivation to live. "I was suicidal for 15 years of my life, till I was 25 years old. That was a lot. Those three weeks really changed my perspective of wanting to live and motivation to do so," she recalls, "I used to get hives or Urticaria, basically these small rashes that happen to you externally and internally, choking your wind pipe. I had to be hospitalised twice. It was because of all the stress of living around my mother."
Narang spent nearly 10 years in different forms of therapy before finding trauma therapy, where she was diagnosed with complex PTSD (CPTSD) and began addressing the roots of her suicidal ideation. Her experiences also shaped her professional journey, eventually leading her to specialise in trauma therapy. She says the impact extended into adulthood, affecting her friendships and romantic relationships. "You don't know how to have a proper relationship. You tend to go into toxic relationships with people because your parents didn't give you love."
She eventually cut contact with both parents and moved out after becoming financially independent. Today, she runs Another Light Counselling partly to make trauma-focused therapy more accessible, particularly because specialised treatment can be expensive.
For Rumy Mathew [name changed], 30, growing up in a home where her parents remained married did not mean growing up in a peaceful one. Her father, whom she describes as traditional and controlling, dictated where her mother could go and how the family lived. "My father would hit us, but then it was normalised," she recalls, describing beatings that left marks on her skin and an incident when she was locked inside a hen house. "My mom was also helpless because she was forced to quit her job when she had me. She had no financial income after that." As the eldest of three daughters, Mathew says she carried much of the emotional burden of the family's conflict. "I just wished my mother could have taken a step or done something," Mathew breaks down as the memories overwhelm her, "But we relied on him for our education."
"I think this was one of the main reasons that I did not want to settle down," she says, fearing that a future partner could turn out like her father. She also attempted suicide before eventually leaving home at 21 and moving to Mumbai, where she began working through her anger and trauma. "Whenever I get angry, I tell myself that I am not my father," she says. Her experiences made financial independence a priority, even when it came at the expense of her mental health. "I sacrificed some of my happiness and emotions to just be financially secure so I don't end up like my mother. Additionally, growing up in this environment did not allow me to mix with people well. I did not date and almost developed a hatred for men," she says. However, today she is engaged to her best friend as she has now healed her childhood trauma.
Her story reflects findings from a 2008 study published in Child Development, which found that children's responses to parental conflict were associated with emotional difficulties, behavioural problems, and lower self-esteem. Those effects followed Mathew into adulthood, influencing her ability to trust and form relationships. She returned to Goa two years ago to care for her mother, and says that things have changed.
Divorce can be difficult, but so can remaining in a household marked by persistent conflict. "I feel like I would have gotten the help I needed if my parents were together because then there would be an adult to see what my mother was going through instead of ten year old me," Narang concludes.
On August 21, 18-year-old Kunal Chandgude and his parents, Murlidhar and Sangita, died at Khavdya Hill in Tisgaon, Chhatrapati Sambhajinagar. According to the initial police account, Kunal went to the hill after an argument with his parents over an iPhone and its EMI payments. He reportedly threatened to die by suicide, prompting his parents, villagers, police, and firefighters to spend nearly three hours trying to persuade him to step away from the cliff. When Kunal jumped, his father tried to save him, causing both to fall. Sangita, after witnessing their deaths, also fell from the hill.
However, the case has since taken a more complicated turn as broader tensions between Murlidhar and Sangita come to light. Police are examining possible family discord, while old social media videos by Sangita have surfaced. Police have also reportedly learnt that Kunal had attempted suicide at the same spot in 2025 but was stopped by two constables. The precise circumstances and motivation behind the tragedy remain under investigation.
In the last 30 years, there has been a rise in divorce rates in India. According to research conducted by the Ministry of Statistics and Programme Implementation (MOSPI), the divorce rate increased from 1.1 per cent in 2001 to 1.6 per cent in 2011. However India still continues to have the lowest divorce rates in the world.
Saroj Kamble, a social worker, says conflict at home - and not just divorce - is one of the core reasons for mental instability among teenagers
At Creative Handicrafts, Saroj Kamble is the Project Officer and Head of Community Development Programmes for Children and Women. She explains that the impact of a troubled family cannot be reduced to whether parents are legally divorced. "Because the real variable isn't divorce itself, but the environment."
Kamble says children respond differently to these circumstances. "Some children do good for themselves and try to come out of that situation. While other families' children fall into addiction, fail studies, become severely depressed. They tend to fall prey to social evils." She stresses that a child's experience is shaped by several factors. "A child's experience is shaped by a web of factors: their age, how securely they're attached to each parent, whether they have siblings to lean on, their temperament and maturity, the stability of their school and friend circle, and how the adults around them talk about what's happening."
In homes where conflict continues, she says, "There's a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from living inside unresolved conflict." Some children turn their pain outward through anger and rebellion, while others internalise it. "Some develop a reflex to want to disappear - physically leaving the house, or emotionally checking out."
Ultimately, Kamble believes children need "consistent, trusted adults outside the conflict, professional support where possible, and stability in the small things" - including routines, school and friendships. Above all, she says, children should never be made "a confidant, messenger, or spy between parents."
Family law advocate Krisha Chheda explains that children are the most vulnerable during custody battles as they are often used as weapons in fights
For family law advocate Krisha Chheda, children can become the unintended casualties of a divorce battle. "It is sad, but one can't deny that children often get caught in the middle of both parents amidst conflicts," she says. "Children are sometimes used as weapons in those fights." In custody and visitation disputes, she says, children may be exposed to hostile language, made to feel responsible for their parents' fights or pushed into taking sides. "They are forced to become mature at a very young age. The innocence gets lost in the process."
India's custody framework is largely guided by the best interests and welfare of the child, but prolonged litigation can itself become another source of instability. A 2023 case series from NIMHANS, examining four children from separated or divorced families referred for mental-health evaluation in the context of family-court disputes, documented instances of children rejecting or denigrating one parent amid parental conflict. The researchers described this as parental alienation and stressed that such disputes can affect children's mental health.
Chheda draws a distinction between conflict-ridden separation and mutually agreed separation. "Children of parents who separate mutually are usually less troubled," she says, adding that co-parenting can teach children "healthy conflict resolution." But where fighting and abuse continue, "they absorb all the negativity." Some may eventually replicate those patterns in their own relationships, she says, while untreated distress can leave them "emotionally unavailable" as adults. "Sometimes the constant stress and tension in the family results in a lot of health problems at a very young age as well."
Child and family psychiatrist Zirak Marker says that children often feel torn when they have to choose sides during parental conflicts
Child and family psychiatrist Zirak Marker states that the effects of prolonged parental conflict can begin with the loss of a child's sense of safety. "Their whole world is their home environment, meant to be a safe space for their teenage years," he says. But when that foundation becomes toxic, "a lot of complexities develop throughout their social and emotional well-being." Marker says children can experience a phenomenon called "splitting", where they feel psychologically torn between parents. "They internally feel like they have to start making a choice or choose a side without understanding it." Yet, he adds, "A kid always wants to be neutral." Being caught between parents can therefore become a significant source of anxiety, particularly when the home environment is unpredictable.
"That is the start of an anxiety disorder that even a nine or 10-year-old child can go through," Marker explains. Prolonged stress can leave the autonomic nervous system hyper-responsive, repeatedly triggering the body's fight-or-flight response. "Sometimes the child develops psychosomatic symptoms," he says, which can manifest as headaches, skin, or gastric problems.
"When you're young and there is conflict, the parents have so much emotional turmoil; they forget to implement healthy parenting styles with their children." This can lead to negative parenting over minor issues such as homework. "That's when the kid perceives it to be their fault," he says.
