Dr Love with Mid-Day: I don’t want to end things with her...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

A stupid argument ended up ruining my marriage and there's nothing I can do to fix it. My wife and I are still together but we're in the process of sorting out legal issues before a final separation and I don't know what to do. I have apologised a thousand times, of course, but she isn't willing to listen and has made up her mind that we have no future together. I have even tried speaking to her family, but they can't do anything because she has told them there is no way back. Is there anything I can do that I haven't considered? Should I ask for a temporary separation and hope that she changes her perspective? I don't want to give up just yet.
You may not want to give up but there's also little you can do if your wife isn't interested in saving this marriage. Also, what may seem like a stupid argument to you is clearly not that insignificant for her, given that she is prepared to walk away from this relationship. That inability to see this from her perspective may be your first and biggest mistake, but there's still nothing you can do about it if she isn't willing to accept your apology. You can try asking for a trial separation but the onus on accepting your offer is still on her. If she isn't willing to talk, you may have to accept her decision and move on.

I hurt my ex-boyfriend badly and we ended our relationship, but he has been saying a lot of horrible things about me to our friends, and I think he wants to hurt me back. What can I do to get him to put this behind him so we can both live in peace?
You can reach out and ask if he is willing to talk about what happened because it's possible that he hasn't been able to recover from what was done. Time will help but, until then, dialogue is your only hope.

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