Dr Love with Mid-Day: Should I just tell her the truth?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

If you make a mistake, should you own up to it knowing that what you say may damage your relationship? I know that my girlfriend may never forgive me, which is why I have said nothing so far, but the guilt is eating me up and it's making me behave strangely around her because I feel like a liar. I am tempted to just tell her what I did and get it over with, but the thought of losing her is too much to bear. How do I decide what to do? I thought it would get easier if I stayed quiet for a while, but the guilt has not gone away.
If you feel as if you are lying to your partner, you probably are. If guilt is making you feel terrible, it's because you are doing something wrong. If you have to bear the consequences of your actions, that is only fair given that someone else's feelings are involved. It sounds as if you want to get away with something that doesn't seem right, and while you can always choose not to say anything, ask yourself if you would be okay with things being the other way around. A healthy relationship is always built on honesty and trust. Without that, you don't have something genuine, nor will you be able to build a bond that lasts. It may be best to open up and hope for the best, given that this is taking a toll on your mental health too.

My partner shouts at me around his friends but is nice in private. What does this say about him?
It says that he doesn't respect you and that this relationship is built on false premises. Being nice in private means nothing if that kindness isn't made obvious outside. If he performs for an audience and chooses that over your feelings, he has no love for you and isn't making you a priority. When someone behaves in a certain way, they are telling you who they are.

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