I don’t know how to make a move!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I secretly like a female colleague at my office and don't know what to do about it. We have been working together for over a year and chat a lot, but I can't seem to break the ice and get the conversation to a place where we can discuss our personal lives. I don't even know if she is single, although she has never mentioned a boyfriend or partner, and I am always aware that I may offend her by asking her out if she has never been interested in me. It sometimes feels as if I am condemned to always be in this state unless one of us quits, which is sad because the more time I spend with her, the more convinced I become that this is someone I would really love being with. What is the best way for me to deal with this situation?
Being direct is the best approach because it eliminates all conjecture and helps you arrive at a place of clarity that can prevent any awkwardness. You are both adults and have known each other for a while. All you want to do is find out if she is interested in spending time with you. That is perfectly acceptable if you are respectful about it and simply ask her out after office hours. If she declines the offer of coffee, you know she isn't interested. If she accepts, and continues to keep her personal life private, you know she has boundaries she doesn't want you to cross. You can only cause offense when you cross lines and asking someone out for coffee or saying you want to get to know them isn't offensive.

My husband never says he loves me even though I know he does. Should I worry about this?
If you need something from a partner, you should be able to express it and your partner should work on providing it, because that is what a healthy relationship is all about. Communicate more and ask for what you want.

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