Dr Love with Mid-Day: How do I learn body positivity?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have lost a lot of weight over the past year because I have struggled with it before, but I'm still not happy with the outcome. This has been a problem since I was in school and it has had an adverse impact on my dating life because I have never felt comfortable in my skin. I thought that changing how I look would lead to something positive in terms of how I approach guys, but nothing has happened on that front either and I don't know what else to do. I want to gain confidence but can't seem to find the tools to do it. I want to start feeling as confident as my friends when they go out with people, but I only seem to shrink in company and hesitate to even share my opinions. Please help me.
Losing weight only deals with a symptom, not a cause of what is leading to this loss of confidence. The first thing to acknowledge and accept is that it's okay to feel this way, and that it's okay to have a different experience of all aspects of life, including dating, from the people you know. Confidence isn't innate which means it can be built from the ground up. Once you accept that, you can start exploring the ways and means to address where this loss stems from. If you do not have the tools, you can consider speaking to someone who can help you on that front. Speaking to a professional may also help you articulate what you're going through a lot better because, sometimes, arriving at answers involves knowing what the right questions are. Most of all, try being patient, and remind yourself that change doesn't happen overnight. Remember that it will happen though, because no one can go through life without experiencing some form of it. Think of the person you were a decade ago and ask yourself if you feel exactly the same way. The version of you waiting down the road may surprise you.

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