Dr Love with Mid-Day: He’s nice but does not communicate

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend and I have been together for around 11 months, and, in all that time, we have never discussed what we want from this relationship or where we think it's going. At first, I thought this was just because he wanted time to figure out what I'm like but, over the past few months, I'm beginning to suspect that his nature prevents him from engaging too deeply with anything or anyone. He is happy to just be in a situation that doesn't change because he is uncomfortable with the idea of evolution. If I don't say anything or ask questions for another year, he will be perfectly happy with that. I wonder if I should even ask questions because I am also happy to be with him. We love each other and I don't know if putting him in a tricky position will shake this relationship or change it in ways I don't want it to. Should I just stay and say nothing until I feel like I can't do it anymore?
A relationship evolves at the pace and in the manner that the people in it want it to. If you want answers to something, you have to start asking questions. If you don't want things to change, you're going to have to make peace with the way things are and reconcile yourself to coping with the dissatisfaction you currently feel. You can't have it both ways because you are choosing to be part of the problem. If neither of you wants to examine this relationship closely, neither of you can complain about how things stand. Love is great, but so is communication and clarity about why you chose each other and why you are still choosing to be with each other. Also, you won't know if something will change for the better or for worse until you start talking about it. You can choose to stay silent until you are unhappy but ask yourself if you are being fair to yourself or to your partner.

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