Dr Love with Mid-Day: Why does he keep cheating on me?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been in a relationship for around three years, and, during this time, my partner has cheated on me twice. I have done everything he wants me to, and he keeps saying that he will never betray my trust again, but our relationship is still unstable. If and when we argue, I am always afraid that he may go out with another woman behind my back. It is an exhausting feeling because I find myself trying to be nicer to him all the time. I don't know why he keeps cheating because I also know that he loves me a lot. How do I stop this from happening again?
When someone says they love you, their words only mean something if they are backed by action. If your partner claims to love you and then cheats on you, that is not love. It is a delusion on your part because you want something to be true when it isn't. There is no explanation that can justify the lack of respect that comes with cheating. Your refusal to see this and accept it is leading you to diminish yourself to make this relationship work. Put yourself first and do what is right for you because the person you're with does not have your best interests at heart. The sooner you accept this, the better.

How long will it take for me to start enjoying physical intimacy with my partner? We have been together for six months, but I am still very anxious all the time and don't feel comfortable enough. He feels it too, and I think it's starting to affect us a little.
Physical intimacy is personal and affects people differently. If you need time to feel comfortable, listen to your body and accept that it's okay to feel this way. Tell your partner this too and ask for patience and understanding. If he gives it to you, that will ultimately help you both because you will learn to trust each other and respect each other's needs.

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