Dr Love with Mid-Day: I said yes to him, now I’m panicking!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I said yes to my partner's proposal, but I was not ready and this has caused me a lot of panic in the past few weeks. He is overjoyed but I feel as if there was too much pressure on me to accept his proposal. He spent a lot of money and put on an elaborate event. He also got his family and friends involved. I just couldn't say no because I felt as if I would be judged by everyone there and they would all hate me. Since that evening, I don't feel like meeting him because I feel as if I was put into a position without any room to manoeuvre. I know he loves me and I love him too, but I wish we had talked about this before it was sprung upon me. What should I do?
You should talk to him about this for two reasons. One, because you have the right to and second, because this is your life on the line. Committing to marriage under pressure is the worst thing you can do if you feel as if you aren't ready. A partner who genuinely loves you and wants you will understand and accept where you're coming from immediately. If he can't get what you're saying and you feel as if you are being coerced into something you don't want to do, it is only a matter of time before the shine of this relationship wears off and you question everything else about it. Have that conversation soon and don't worry about what anyone else may think. Put yourself first because you owe that to yourself as well as your partner.

A long-time friendship is suddenly feeling like something deeper. How do I know if this isn't just me getting used to him?
Try going out more and spending more time with this person because that will allow you to gauge how you feel. It's possible that this is one-sided, so look for cues coming from him too.

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