Dr Love with Mid-Day: I want to wait till we have a house

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My fiancé and I have been trying to figure out when to get married and the economics of it has been an issue. He wants us to marry soon, but I think we should do it only when we have a downpayment for a house. This sounds unreasonable but I have strong reasons for wanting this. If we marry without a place of our own, I will have to live with his family and there have been enough indications that this won't be easy for me. His parents are overbearing and even though they love me, I get a sense that my freedom will be curtailed in all kinds of ways. He knows this and agrees with me but also feels as if I should look at it as a challenge we can overcome together. I don't know what to do. Should I marry him and hope for the best?
This is a lifelong commitment that you are both signing up for, and while compromises are always important and sometimes key to overcoming hurdles, it is the start of your married life being discussed. If space is critical and you have strong reasons for not wanting to live with your fiancé's family, you should listen to yourself and acknowledge why this is important for you. If you don't want to begin your married life with some issues that you think can be avoided, it is a reasonable request. At the same time, if you aren't sure about when you can find a place together, you have to look at this from your partner's perspective too. How long is the waiting period and what are you both okay with giving up? Talk about possibilities and arrive at a compromise based on hard facts. If you have a clearer picture of when this situation can change, you may be able to find a solution that works even if it is temporary.

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