Dr Love with Mid-Day: I no longer trust my boyfriend...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been checking my boyfriend's Facebook account lately because I no longer trust him. This has happened because I have caught him chatting with people I don't know, and he hasn't been able to explain his actions. I have asked him to stop doing this and he promises nothing is going on, but I can't always be in a state of panic wondering if he is being honest with me. If I have to check his phone when he's not looking, isn't it a sign that we should break up? Should I wait and hope for things to change just because I love him?
No relationship can survive without trust, so this isn't about love or waiting for change as much as it is about addressing whether you feel respected. If he doesn't take your comments seriously enough to act upon them, he isn't treating you the way you deserve to be treated. You can choose to wait and hope that things will get better, but it won't matter if you can't get to a place where you accept what he says without question. Ask yourself if this relationship is meeting your needs and, if it isn't, end it and move on. Don't second-guess yourself if you aren't happy.

Is it possible that my partner just does not understand what respect means? We have been together for two years and he keeps making the same mistakes despite the numerous conversations and arguments we have. It's as if this is some behavioural trait. Should I learn to live with it if our relationship has no other problems?
When someone says they can't change, it almost always means that they don't want to. Asking for respect isn't unnatural, it ought to be the foundation of your relationship. Writing it off as a behavioural trait only absolves him and you will end up paying the price. It's nice that your relationship has no other problems, but you should also think about what you are giving up in exchange for this.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com