Dr Love with Mid-Day: I am quite tired of his mood swings!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am not sure where my relationship is going because my boyfriend doesn't seem to know what's happening. For some days or weeks, he loves me a lot and is committed to being with me. On other days, he just doesn't show any care. I used to dismiss this as mood swings, but I am beginning to think that it's deeper than that because he can't bring himself to settle down with one person permanently. We have been together for almost three years now and I still don't feel secure enough to assume that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. Should I give him an ultimatum?
If three years isn't enough to give you a sense of where this relationship is headed, you need to have an honest conversation with yourself and then with your boyfriend. At this point, it boils down to what you want and what he is prepared to commit to. Actions will always speak louder than words and mood swings only absolve bad behaviour if you are feeling slighted. Don't think of this as an ultimatum because you are asking for something that affects the rest of your life. If he can't give it to you, the sooner you both have an answer, the healthier it will be. There will be pain, but prolonging the inevitable only makes things worse.

My girlfriend manipulated me into ending our relationship just two days before her birthday so she could start dating someone else. Now, she is back saying that she made a mistake. I feel hurt and used and don't know what to do.
If you feel hurt and used, sit with that feeling and ask yourself if you are willing to move beyond it. If you are, it has to be unconditional, but also a decision you make with the knowledge that this can be done to you. If you aren't prepared to forgive, you are under no obligation to. Either way, ask for time because it can bring clarity.

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