Dr Love with Mid-Day: How do I forget my first crush?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been in love with a girl since college and this feeling hasn't gone away. I know there can be nothing between us because she told me this, but it has been years since we had that conversation and I haven't been able to move on. We haven't stayed in touch, so I don't know what she's doing or what her personal life is like, but I want to get her out of my mind. I have dated a few people, and they just don't make me feel the way she used to. I know it's wrong of me to use her as a benchmark, but I can't pretend to feel something for someone which is why I am still single. I sometimes feel as if my life would have been simpler if I didn't have such strong feelings for one person. How do I put this behind me and try getting into a normal relationship?
You are aware that this person you love is never going to be part of your life. That self-awareness is a great first step towards internalising the reality that you are in love with an idea. A benchmark makes sense when you know what someone is like in a particular setting. When you say you compare people you meet with this girl, you are assuming what she's like in a relationship. You don't know anything for certain because you have never been in a relationship with her. You should also try and remind yourself that you are possibly losing out on getting to know someone amazing by comparing them with parameters that aren't real. Moving on from someone you love is never easy, but it isn't impossible either if you are patient enough to take any new relationship slowly. Try not putting pressure on yourself to be with someone and meet people with the idea of getting to know them rather than getting into something romantic with them. Often, the best relationships are those that evolve organically out of a friendship.

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