Dr Love with Mid-Day: I think my friend is ruining my life!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My best friend was responsible for ruining my last relationship because he was jealous of my girlfriend. He apologised a lot after it ended and said he had to work on himself to prevent this from happening again. I have not been able to forgive him because I can't get over my ex and I feel as if he didn't think about me at all. It feels like a sign I should take more seriously because if he doesn't have my best interests at heart and acts out of selfishness, I will always be wary around him no matter whom I am dating. Should I cut him off from my life or am I overreacting?
You're not overreacting, but you're not using information as well as you should. This is a friend who has asked for forgiveness and wants to get better. If you don't think of him as a friend, you have every right to cut him off. If you still want him around, you have the option of drawing boundaries and evaluating whether he has changed in any way. Your decision should be based on how you feel, and how your life changes in the months and years to come. It takes time for any friendship to evolve but, sometimes, challenges like these help build stronger bonds. If you don't see that happening and aren't willing to take any risk, end it by all means.

I'm desperate to get away from my boyfriend's family because they cause a lot of drama in our lives. He doesn't see this at all and our relationship is suffering. What should I do?
If your boyfriend isn't willing to see things from your perspective, this is an unequal partnership that will not evolve. He can disagree, but to dismiss your concerns and do nothing about them is gaslighting because it implies that what you're feeling isn't real. Ask him to act upon this and come up with a compromise because, without that, there will only be resentment between you two.

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