Dr love with mid-day: Not sure I can handle his anger...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My partner has serious anger management problems and it's tearing our relationship apart. We have been dating for three years, and it has only become worse as he has gotten older. We want to get married at some point and I love him a lot, but I am also constantly worried about what might happen if we have children and he can't keep his anger in check. He explodes in public too and my family members are starting to question me about whether it's good for my health to be with someone so openly aggressive. I don't know what to do because I want to save this relationship, but I don't know how to do that unless he changes or starts to manage his issues a little better. What should I do?
If you don't have the tools to cope with this situation and your partner is capable of making changes soon, you will both have to involve someone else for professional intervention. If this is taking a toll on you, it is imperative to weigh the pros and cons of any possible impact on your future, because life-changing decisions should never be rushed into. The concern of your family members is also a sign that this relationship is affecting the lives of people outside, so don't dismiss that. Speak to your partner about what this is doing and how it can lead to more damage if it isn't addressed. Talk about therapy, your worries about the future, and ask him if he is ready and willing to do what it takes to resolve this. If things don't improve, also ask yourself how long you are willing to wait and what risks you are prepared to take.

Should I tell someone my real age if I know it will prevent him from dating me?
That depends upon whether you want to have a relationship that is built on honesty and trust, or one that is compelled to fail because you will not be able to hide facts forever.

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