Dr Love with Mid-Day: Why won’t he propose already!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 30-year-old woman and have been in a relationship with a guy my age for around three years. We have had conversations about marriage, and he says he wants to propose soon, but this has been going on for a year. I don't want to keep asking because it makes me sound desperate, but I am also starting to question his intentions because I don't know what to do. If he says something but doesn't act upon it, is it an indication that he is taking me for granted because I'm not pushy enough? I know he loves me, but I also know that I can't wait forever because I want to settle down. Should I have this conversation with him and risk forcing him into doing something he isn't ready to do?
You're not forcing him into anything because you are both adults capable of making decisions about your individual lives. If he says something and doesn't act upon it, you are doing yourself a disservice by not asking him to explain. This isn't about being pushy; it's about asking for clarity because your life and future are involved. If he needs time, he can ask for it, and you can then decide if you are prepared to wait. Without a firm response, however, you are simply placing yourself in a subservient position, when this should be about being on an equal footing. If you have questions, ask them, because that is what communication in a healthy relationship is all about. If this is someone you intend spending the rest of your life with, being able to discuss anything and everything is critical.

Should I trust my friends when they tell me that my boyfriend is a womaniser?
Yes. If you trust your friends and believe they have your best interests at heart, you shouldn't dismiss what they're saying just because you don't want to accept it. You can always ask for proof but keep your eyes open and use your own intelligence, too.

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