Help! My girlfriend is a spendthrift...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have a problem with the way my girlfriend spends money. She is very casual about it, and it bothers me because I know she doesn't save anything. When we go out, she sometimes has no money at the end of the month because she has shopped and spent most of her salary. We are very serious about our relationship and are planning to get married, but this is one aspect of her life that bothers me a lot because I know it will cause a lot of problems between us going forward. I have tried talking to her about this very often, but she believes that her salary is her business alone. I respect that, but it can't work this way when we are going to manage a household together. How do I get her to see where I'm coming from without thinking that I'm trying to control her life in some way?
You're right to take this seriously because financial issues can lead to serious problems in any relationship, and at any stage. If she doesn't want to accept where you're coming from, that may change when you eventually begin managing a home together. It's still a risk though, because she needs to start looking at this from a perspective of a unit, rather than a single entity. It's not an easy subject to discuss, but you will both have to set some ground rules for how you intend to make this work on all aspects, including managing budgets. If she doesn't want to pull her weight on that front, you will simply have to tell her that it's going to lead to problems in your relationship, because it will. It may take her time to see this as an act of partnership rather than control, but you will have to keep having that conversation until she gets to that place of understanding and acceptance. Love goes a long way though, so your support as she navigates this change in how she spends money will help.

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