I am no longer a priority for him...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been trying to make my relationship with my boyfriend work for a few months now, but he doesn't seem to want it. We have been together for over three years, and it has started to feel as if he doesn't care if I stay or go. We have a good time when we are together, and I know he loves me a lot, but I am no longer a priority for him the way I once used to be when we began dating. I have spoken to him about this, and he simply says that he has changed as a person because he's older. I'm older, too, but I feel more mature, which is why I am more attracted to him now than before. He doesn't seem to look at it from that perspective. I am sure he will realise what he has lost a few years from now if leave him, and I don't want that to happen because I know we can make this work and emerge stronger. How do I get him to see this?
You are in a different place than he is either because, as you say, you are more mature than he is, or because he hasn't fully come to terms with what you mean to him. If things are going well when the two of you are together, it may make more sense to be patient and allow him to arrive at the same conclusions as you already have. He hasn't said he doesn't want this to end, nor has he expressed any interest in dating someone else. It will take him time to start seeing things from your perspective. Trying to force him into it won't work because he may only feel as if he is being coerced into doing something he doesn't want to. The best relationships are those that aren't forced, where two people are together because they choose to be and genuinely want to. Give him time and space and he may eventually come around.

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