I caught feelings for him...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have a ‘friends with benefits' situation that isn't working out, not because my friend is making things difficult but because I have begun to feel as if I want more from him. He and I spoke about this before we agreed to stick with this arrangement, and I know he will move away if I tell him that I now have feelings for him. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want this to continue either. I want an exclusive relationship with him and don't know what to say or do to make him start to feel this way. How do I go about changing the dynamics between us without frightening him away?
This isn't something that can be done without your friend reciprocating, and there is no way around it. The arrangement you have depends entirely upon you both making the same choices. If you want it to change, and he doesn't, you will either have to accept the status quo or reject it entirely. You can always bring it up in conversation, of course, to gauge if his feelings for you have changed in any way. If he isn't interested in talking about it, that's a pretty clear indication of where things stand.

My friend and I had a brief but intense relationship when we were on a holiday together. It ended when we got back, but I miss it a lot and want to ask her if she will be my girlfriend. I don't know if she will agree because there are complications related to common friends who may not be happy. We managed to get together only because we were in a new place where no one knew us. What should I do?
You should speak to her and first find out if she has any interest in a relationship. If she doesn't, and would rather let things stay the way they are, you have no hope of making this work. If she is interested, you will both find a way.

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