Not happy giving him financial support...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 32-year old woman and have been engaged to a guy for a year-and-a-half now. We were supposed to be married a few months ago but had to postpone it because of the pandemic. He recently lost his job and has been asking me for financial help. I helped him for three months but am worried because I don't want to set a pattern for the rest of our marriage. If he becomes dependent on me, what if he doesn't try hard enough to get a job and pull his weight? I know he's not the type, but people change, and I am worried because I don't know if this will happen. I hope he finds a job soon but, if he doesn't, I don't think I am comfortable offering him financial support and don't know if this will damage our relationship. What should I do?
You can start by trusting him and consider that the shoe could easily have been on the other foot. If this is someone you intend spending the rest of your life with, a few difficult months at the start ought to be treated as a test of how strong your bond is. If you have doubts, talk about them before they lead to resentment. If you say he's not the type to become dependent on you, why simultaneously assume he will change? Things will improve when he finds a job. Until then, if you aren't comfortable with helping him, talk about lowering the amount of money you give him or asking for repayment if you want to keep financial issues aside from your personal relationship. Either way, this is something you will have to navigate when you are married because a household runs on a budget.

What are the perks of moving in together with someone you don't know very well?
You can get to know them rather quickly, for one, but there's also the risk that you may not like what you see once this happens.

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