Why is dating so hard these days!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I'm a 23-year-old woman who is pretty, smart, and interesting, but no one wants to ask me out. I meet a lot of guys through common friends as well as with dating apps, but these conversations always seem to stop after a point, and it never gets to a place where I am on an actual date. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and my friends are as confused because they think I am just not meeting the right people. This didn't bother me much before, but it's been a while since I came close to even going on a date and my confidence is almost non-existent now. This in turn makes it hard for me to summon up energy to try and chat, which only makes things worse. I feel as if I am in a slump and I just want to break through to a place where I can feel normal. How do I do this and how do I know if I am doing something wrong?
It's normal to feel a lack of confidence if you aren't able to get to a place of validation from someone else. At the same time, validation from a stranger doesn't necessarily imply that you are doing something right or wrong. You describe yourself as pretty, smart, and interesting, which is great because it reveals a certain self-awareness that hasn't been eroded by your experiences with the people you meet. If your friends don't have any insights either, the first thing to do is stop being hard on yourself and assume that you're doing something wrong. Dating can be hard because communication is learned and takes time to master. The people you are meeting may be avoiding a date simply because they lack confidence in themselves. it's easy to be intimidated by someone pretty and intelligent, so try looking at this from their perspective instead of blaming yourself. Also try and ease the pressure of dating by first asking someone out for just a cup of coffee.

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