Girl I am seeing won't marry me...

Updated: Apr 01, 2020, 07:45 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

You may be hurt when she marries too, obviously, if you have feelings for her. She has made it quite clear that the two of you have no future together

Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI'm 44, divorced and living with my 8-year old son. I registered on a marriage site a while ago, and a 25-year old unmarried girl connected with me. We met and, after a few more meetings, got into a physical relationship. She then told me she was in a relationship with someone who had no intention of marrying her because of some issues related to caste. She also said that marrying me was not possible because of the obvious difference in age. She intends to marry anyone her parents approve of, but wants us to continue our relationship until that happens. Am I setting myself and my son up for problems? He already likes her company because she visits us often. Should I end this as soon as possible?
— Glem S
It will always be difficult for you to make your son understand the dynamics of any unusual relationship because of how young he is. Having said that, this is really a decision you alone can make, based on how you feel about this person. You may be hurt when she marries too, obviously, if you have feelings for her. She has made it quite clear that the two of you have no future together. If you are willing to continue just because you want a companion, you will have to do this with your eyes wide open, aware of the fact that it will not last forever. You can always meet elsewhere and tell your son that this didn't work out, but lying to a child is never a good idea. Think about how he will react to the truth instead, consider what her departure will mean for you both, and do what feels right. Also think about what your own intentions are. Do you intend to get into a long-term relationship? If a second marriage is what you believe makes sense for you and your son, think of how this affects that plan too.

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