'I am a married woman attracted to another man'

May 26, 2014, 14:53 IST | Dr Prakash Kothari and Rachna Kothari

Clinical sexologist Dr Prakash Kothari and Counseling Psychologist Rachna Kothari answer your sex-related queries

Q. It’s been 17 years I am married and my husband is one of the most loving men I ever knew! However since a few months I am friendly with this man in my gym who is very intellignent and has a great physique. He keeps sending me texts and I am feeling very drawn towards him. I get distracted with his thoughts all day. Please help.
A. We all know that feeling attracted towards the opposite sex is common; as we may find a particular quality (good looks, great talker, charisma or personality etc) of theirs very appealing/charming and it takes over our being. And this is absolutely normal! However converting attraction into temptation can turn out to be a risky endeavor; especially at a stage in your life; that you are right now. You say you are very happily married since 17 years which is amazing by itself because not many marriages today are happy. Surrendering to this kind of temptation will only lead to disharmony and confusion in your family/married life. It is merely a short term gain at the cost of long term pain! As the great author Benjamin Franklin beautifully quotes “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins!”

Q. I am recently married and whenever my husband tried to penetrate, I get severe pain and then I lose complete interest. Though I want to have sex, but somehow or the other I lose interest in between.
A. It is important that you know the details of human sexual response and the mechanics of sex act. Unless and until you are aroused, you may not lubricate enough which may lead to pain at the attempt of sexual penetration. You need to devote enough time in the foreplay so that you are adequately lubricated. Then ask your husband to gently introduce one finger inside the vagina. After having comfortably put in one finger, he may slowly attempt inserting two fingers together. If there is no discomfort or pain during this, then you will not have pain during penetration. However, if you do experience any discomfort then you may use coconut oil or KY Jelly which will help provide additional lubrication and facilitate penetration.

You can ask your most intimate questions to Dr Prakash Kothari. Send an email to sexologist@mid-day.com. India’s top sexologist will answer them right here.

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