I can't get over an incident in the past

Updated: 14 October, 2020 05:01 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

We split for a few months, and she ended up in a relationship with someone

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

DR LOveMy girlfriend and I have been together since college, over 4 years ago. We have been thinking of getting engaged, but I have a problem because of something that happened two years ago. We split for a few months, and she ended up in a relationship with someone. They were physically intimate, and I haven't been able to get over that. We are fine and love each other a lot, but I still struggle with that incident because I can't imagine how she did this to me. Am I being unreasonable? I am afraid of marrying her until I have resolved that issue. What should I do?

This happened two years ago at a time when you weren't in a relationship. Why is it still a problem, given that she has been with you since then and is invested in a future with you? You can resent that incident for the rest of your life or accept that people do get into other relationships at times. Physical intimacy is a normal aspect of any relationship and shouldn't be looked at as an aberration. If you were the one who had been with someone else back then, wouldn't you want her to accept that and simply move on?

How do I know if the person I am dating really is the one for me? I keep questioning our relationship and thinking about the future, which makes it hard for me because I can never be sure. Should I just go with the flow and accept that this is the person I have to marry?

Why are you focusing on what can happen instead of simply enjoying being with someone? If the two of you make it for a prolonged period, enjoy each other's company, and can't imagine living without the other, that is pretty much what every successful relationship is all about. Neither of you may ever be sure, but there may also come a time when you both will be.

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First Published: 14 October, 2020 05:04 IST

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